


I Can't Always Just Forget Him

by partyghoul



Category: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004), My Chemical Romance
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-11
Updated: 2013-01-12
Packaged: 2017-11-18 10:47:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 20
Words: 23,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/560178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/partyghoul/pseuds/partyghoul
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Frank and Gerard erase each other from their memories once they realize their relationship is over, but, as they start to lose the moments they shared, they realize what they had to begin with.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Looks Like Nothing's Gonna Change

**Author's Note:**

> This Week's Chapter Is Based On The Song- "Sitting On The Dock Of The Bay" by Otis Redding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Look like nothing's gonna change  
> Everything still remains the same  
> I can't do what ten people tell me to do  
> So I guess I'll remain the same, yes
> 
> Sittin' here resting my bones  
> And this loneliness won't leave me alone  
> It's two thousand miles I roamed  
> Just to make this dock my home

 

Gerard slowly opens his eyes and takes in his surroundings. The world looks so bleak today, the sky is grey and there's almost no light coming in through the windows. He lies in bed for a while debating whether he should get up or not. His head is pounding and his vision is blurry like he's suffering from a massive hangover, but he's pretty sure he didn't go out last night. With a heavy sigh, Gerard sits up, wipes his hair away from his face and kicks the covers off. It's another good minute before he even stands up to get ready for the day. Gerard's pretty used to being depressed, but today is different, he doesn't feel sad, just...empty, like something's missing. He stumbles into the bathroom, brushes his teeth, takes a quick shower, and finds some clothes that don't smell like something's growing on them.

By the time he makes it outside to his car, it's only eight o' clock. Gerard never wakes up this early and it makes him wonder what it is about this day that is making everything so different from the last. He fumbles for his keys in his pocket and only ends up dropping them on the ground, causing him to look down and see the huge dent some asshole left in the side of his car.

"Great, just what I fucking needed," he sighs.

He looks around and notices the car to his right has some major damage to the front bumper. There's no doubt in this mind that this is the car that belongs to the prick who damaged his own Subaru. He reaches into his black messenger bag, rips out a piece of paper from his sketchbook, scribbles a quick "Thank You!",and puts it under the car's windshield wiper before getting into his crippled car and driving off.

Gerard makes it to the train station just before he's supposed to be there. Looking around, he sees hundreds of people bundled up in coats and carrying briefcases, all wearing the same grim expression on their faces. They're probably just pissed off they have to work on Valentine's Day. Gerard's never given a shit about the holiday, and not just because he's never had someone to spend it with. However, he's pretty sure greeting card companies invented the day of romance just to make people like him feel like crap for being alone. He looks around the terminal and realizes how badly he wants to escape the dull routine he's got going on. Without thinking, he turns around and runs to the other side of the station, where the last train set to leave for Jersey is about to close its doors.

After the hour-long ride it takes to get from Penn Station to Jersey Avenue, it's snowing and the day looks even more depressing. He spots a payphone and thinks he better call his work before he gets in big trouble for skipping the day.

"Gabe? Hey, I'm not gonna be able to make it in today, I'm sick," he lies while trying to cover the mouthpiece so he can be heard over the wind.

"Oh man, really? What's wrong?" Gabe sounds disbelieving, as he should.

"Food poisoning. I would've called earlier but I haven't stopped throwing up all morning, I should be better by tomorrow."

Gabe tells him to get rest and that he better be in tomorrow morning. Gerard scoffs and hangs up the phone before catching a taxi to the beach. He doesn't know why he picked the coldest day of the fucking year to take a leisurely stroll on the shore, but he folds his arms around himself and braves the biting weather. Once he's bored with the scenery, Gerard sits on a rock and pulls out his sketchbook, there's some pages ripped out. He doesn't really remember doing that, but, whatever, he's done worse things without remembering them.

_January 13, 2005._

_I skipped work today and took the train down to Jersey. It's cold, the sky is grey. I don't know what else to write. Nothing ever happens. Nothing ever changes. I saw Bert last night. We had sex. It's weird how we can fall back into the old familiar sex life so easily, like no time has passed. After two years apart, we're suddenly talking about getting back together again. Guess that's good._

Gerard closes his sketchbook and looks up at the grey, now cloudy, sky. As he's looking around the beach, he spots a figure walking along the shore in a red hoodie. It's almost as if the person is walking towards him. He can't help but to think how much the figure stands out against the grey backdrop. As the figure gets closer, Gerard opens up his sketchbook and pretends to write again, hoping he'll be left alone. After a few minutes, no one comes to bother him and he sees the figure walking in the opposite direction, stopping to stare at the ocean. He realizes it's a man, he actually thought it was a woman or a small kid from how short the guy was. Gerard looks back down at his sketchbook and actually begins writing again.

_It's as if I'm completely incapable of making eye-contact with someone I don't know. I guess I better get back with Bert after all._

Gerard closes his sketchbook and packs it away in his bag and goes back down to the shore. He finds a stick and starts digging in the sand with it. "Sand is overrated," he thinks before tossing the stick into the ocean and heading up towards the diner.

 


	2. You're A Heart Attack In Black Hair Dye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm the only friend that makes you cry You're a heart attack in black hair dye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This Week's Chapter Is Based On The Song- "Save Yourself, I'll Hold Them Back" by My Chemical Romance

The diner is small, old, and practically empty. It's a tourist place but since it's off-season, no one really bothers to visit. Gerard sits in the booth closest to the door and asks the waitress for some chicken noodle soup and a cup of coffee. As he looks around, he sees the familiar bright red hoodie he saw earlier that day. It isn't really the hoodie that interests him though, it's the guy who's wearing it. He has black hair with this insane red on the sides, it looks pretty cool. Gerard watches as the guy puts his own cup of coffee on the seat next to him and tries to hide the fact that he's pouring alcohol into it. Since Gerard just became sober after years of alcohol abuse, he tries to look away, but is too enthralled by the strange man to do anything about it. The guy catches Gerard staring and brings his cup to his lips, winks, and takes a drink. Gerard quickly looks down and pulls out his sketchbook, trying to appear busy.

_Why do I fall in love with every person who shows me the tiniest bit of attention?_

Gerard watches as the short guy gets up from his booth and waltzes out the door. Once he's finished with his food, Gerard shoves his sketchbooks back into his bag, leaves a tip on the table, and heads back to the train station. His adventure for the day was over.

Gerard sits on a bench to wait for the train. He reaches in his coat pocket and pulls out a pack of cigarettes, takes one stick out, lights it, and shoves the rest back into pocket. As he's taking in his surroundings, he sees the man in the red hoodie coming towards him. Gerard breathes out a puff of smoke and sees the guy smile painfully big while waving enthusiastically. _"This weirdo is acting like he knows me, what the fuck? Wait...does he know me?"_ Gerard waves back timidly before throwing his cigarette on the ground and stepping on it. The guy sits on a bench on the far side of the platform. Gerard stares at him for a moment before taking out his sketchbook and staring at it, trying to conceal his awkwardness.

By the time the train comes, Gerard has already done a full sketch of the strange hooded man. He cannot help but to notice a tattoo poking out from the edge of the guy's hoodie. He also notices the lip ring he has in, it's incredibly hot. Great, now he feels like a creeper. Gerard sighs, grabs his stuff, and boards the train, finding a seat far away from any other person. Right before the doors shut, the strange guy jumps onto the train and sits at the opposite end of the car. Gerard looks out the window, tries to look like he's zoned out, but he can feel the strange man watching him, and it's a bit unnerving. After a while, Gerard hears a faint sound like someone talking and realizes it might be directed at him. He looks up to see the strange person looking at him expectedly.

"I'm sorry?" Gerard tries not to look awkward with his response.

"Why?" is all the guy says.

Gerard looks at him like he's nuts and spits out, "Why, what?"

"Why are you sorry? I just said hi."

"No, I didn't know if you were talking to me or not so..."

The strange man looks around at the empty car before raising an eyebrow and asking, "Really? Dude, we're the only ones in here."

Gerard blushes. "I didn't wanna assume."

The guy laughs before saying, "Aw c'mon, live dangerously. Assume someone is talking to you in an otherwise empty car."

"Okay, sorry again, hi," Gerard sputters.

The guy gets up and starts walking towards Gerard. "Is it okay if I move closer so I don't have to scream? Not that I don't like screaming once in a while...But I don't wanna bug you if you're drawing or anything."

Gerard clears his throat. "Well uh I probably won't think of much to say so..."

"Oh well," the guy stops in the middle of the car and bites his lip, looking unsure.

"I mean," Gerard waves his hands around. "You can sit here if you want, I didn't mean to sound like an ass."

"Hey man, I don't wanna bug you if-"

"No, no, it's okay, really." Gerard smiles and tries to look nice.

"Okay, just to ya know..chat a little, maybe. I've got a long ride ahead of me and didn't bring anything to pass the time." The man sits across the aisle from Gerard and tries to not look as awkward as he feels.

"So, how far you goin? I mean, how far are you traveling?"

"Rockville Center."

"Get out! Me too! What are the odds?" The guy looks too excited that he and Gerard are going to the same place.

"The weirdest part is that I think I recognize you. I thought so earlier in the diner. That's why I was looking at you. You work at Guitar Center, right?"

"Oh man, really? That's so cool! What a small world! I've been a guitar slave there for like five years!" He looks so thrilled that Gerard recognized him.

"Really? Because-"

"Jesus! Has it been five years? I gotta quit soon." The guy said, mostly to himself.

"-because I go there all the time. I don't think I ever saw you before."

"Well I'm there, I hide in the back as much as humanly possible. You got a cell? I gotta quit right now. I'll call in dead."

"Uh no, I don't have one," Gerard laughs.

"I'll start a band, just like my grandfather!"

"I noticed your hair. It's pretty rad. I guess that's what made the impression on me."

"Ahh, the hair," the guy shakes his head, making some black strands fall in front of his eyes. "Black and red, right? The red is called Red Menace. Pretty catchy name, huh?"

Gerard smiles. "Yeah, I like it."

"This company makes a whole line of colors with equally cool names. Blue Ruin, Yellow Fever, Green Revolution. That'd be a kick ass job! That's what I'll do, come up with names. Fuck the band."

"I don't really know how-"

"Purple Haze, Pink Eraser."

"Do you think there could be a job like that? There's only so many colors, I mean. I'm an artist, and I know all about colors but there's not _that_ many."

The guy suddenly looked pissed off, offended somehow. "Somebody's got that job."

Gerard was about to apologize when the man's face completely changed into an impossibly excited one.

"Agent Orange! I came up with that one! Anyway, there are endless color possibilities! I'd be great at a job like that."

"I'm sure you would-"

"My writing career! Your Hair written by Frank Iero."

"You don't look like a Frank."

"Yeah well I am one! Ya know, I've tried all of their colors. Every single fucking one. More than once, too. I'm getting too old for this. It keeps me from having to develop an actual personality. I apply my personality in a paste. You?"

"I highly doubt that's true," Gerard snickers.

"Well you don't know me. So you don't know, do you?" He was back to being pissed.

"I'm sorry, I was just trying to be nice, I-"

"Yeah, I got it, okay?"

There was an awkward silence for a long time.

"I'm Frank, by the way," the guy said while offering a hand to Gerard.

"I'm Gerard," he says while shaking Frank's hand.

"No jokes about my height, okay? Oh wait. You wouldn't do that, you're trying to be nice."

"I don't really know how someone would joke about your height so.."

"Whatever, just don't think I won't kick your ass just because I'm small," Frank says with a smirk.

"See, I wouldn't think that about you."

"Why wouldn't you think that about me?" Frank shouted, once again going from happy to pissed off in a matter of seconds.

"I uh...I just...you seem nice so..." Gerard stuttered.

"Oh, now _I'm_ nice? Jesus! Don't you know any other adjectives? There's careless and snotty and overbearing and argumentative...mumpish."

"Uhm...sorry."

They sit in silence for a long time, Gerard feeling extremely uncomfortable.

"I just don't think that nice is an interesting thing to be. What is nice anyway? I mean besides an adjective. I guess it can be an adverb...sort of. It doesn't reveal anything. Nice is pandering, cowardly. Life is more interesting than that. Or, it should be. Jesus, I hope it is. I don't need to be nice and I don't need anyone to be it at me," Frank says without pausing for a breath.

"Okay," is all Gerard can think to say.

Gerard tries not to look as Frank reaches into his bag and pulls out the small bottle of alcohol he had at the diner. Frank takes a quick drink and offers Gerard some and it takes everything he has in him to refuse.

"Gerard? It is Gerard, right?" Frank asks while putting away the bottle.

"Uh, yeah."

"I'm sorry for yelling at you. Could that be considered yelling? I can't really tell. Anyway, I'm just a little fucked up today."

"That's okay, I'm in the same boat as you," Geard replies.

Frank looks out the window and begins to talk again. "My embarrassing admission is that I really like that you're nice. Right now, anyway. I can't really tell what I'm going to like from one minute to the next. But right now, I'm glad that you said it's okay. That was... _nice_ of you."

"It's no problem...anyway I have some stuff I have to-"

"Oh!" Frank stands up and throws his bag over his shoulder. "Well sure, I'll just...well...take care then!"

Gerard pulls his sketchbook from his messenger bag and says, "I'll probably see you at the store, unless you get the color naming job."

Frank only smiles and stares out the window. Once Gerard gets into his rhythm drawing, he hardly notices Frank inching towards him and watching him closely until the train finally pulls into the station. They both smile at each other and step onto the platform, going different ways.


	3. Pretty, Handsome, Awkward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey are you okay?  
> You look pretty low  
> Very handsome awkward

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This Week's Chapter Is Based On The Song- "Pretty Handsome Awkward" by The Used

Gerard slowly walks to his car and gets in before he can think about the big ass dent on the side. He starts the engine and drives slowly down the street, passing by dozens of brightly lit shops. As he looks out his window, he sees a very cold looking Frank walking down the boulevard. He pulls over, rolls down his window, and whistles to get Frank's attention.

"Hey, I could, uh, give you a ride if you want," Gerard shouts over the loud roar of traffic.

Frank stops and looks at Gerard before saying, "Uh, no thanks, man. I don't wanna take you out of your way or anything."

"Are you sure? It's fucking freezing. It'd be no trouble at all," Gerard pushes.

Frank bites his lip ring and thinks for a minute. "You know what? Yeah, I could use a ride."

Gerard unlocks the doors and waits for the shorter man to get in, then begins driving again.

"So, where do you live?" Gerard asks while turning up the car's heat.

"You're not a stalker or anything right? You're not gonna drive me home, follow me in, and then saw my head off or anything?"

Gerard looks at Frank and is about to laugh before he realizes the guy isn't joking.

"Well, I probably wouldn't admit that I was a stalker, but, no, I'm not."

Frank breathes out a sigh and says, "You can't be too careful. I have been stalked before. I've been told I'm highly stalkable. I don't need that shit today."

"I'm not a stalker. I mean, you talked to me first, right? If anyone's the stalker, it's you."

"That is the oldest trick in the stalker book!"

Gerard raises one eyebrow questioningly. "Oh really now? There's a stalker book? I'll have to check that out"

Frank laughs before asking, "You know Wilmont? Near the high school?"

Gerard turns the corner and they drive in silence for a while.

"Look," Frank begins, "I'm sorry if I came off kind of nutso, I'm not really."

"Nah, it's okay, I don't think you're nuts," Gerard smiles.

They remain quiet for a while before Frank turns on the radio and the sound of Misfits' "Hybrid Moments" comes on.

"Hey, man! Misfits! I fuckin' love them!" Frank says excitedly.

"Really? They're one of my favorites."

They both begin to sing along before Gerard pulls onto Wilmont and waits for Frank to direct him to which house he lives in.

"This is me," Frank says as he points to a torn up looking apartment building.

Gerard pulls over and Frank gets out of the car and says, "Thanks for the ride, that was very nice of you."

"Well, I wouldn't want to be-"

"Oh jeez, I'm full of shit. I already told you that. Anyway, see ya!"

"Take care," Gerard shouts before turning the car on again.

Frank turns around and leans in through the passenger side window. "You wanna come upstairs? I have lots of drinks. I could-"

"Uhm..."

Frank's eyes widen and he quickly spits out, "Never mind. I'm sorry, that was stupid. I'm embarrassed now. Fuck, goodnight, Gerard."

* * *

Somehow, Gerard finds himself in Frank's tiny apartment. He sits on the beaten up couch in the living room and tries to busy himself by looking around while Frank makes them some drinks. There's not much to look at, just an ancient television, a pretty pathetic movie collection with only horror movies, and a ceiling fan that hasn't been dusted off in what looks like months. Gerard fixes his hair and tries to see what Frank is doing in the kitchen when he sees six guitars lining the wall behind him. How did he not notice that before? They're all in perfect condition and they all have random stickers on the bodies. The one that catches Gerard's eye the most is white with "PANSY" spelled out in silver shimmering stickers. That's all he has time to notice before Frank comes in with a drink in each hand.

"Two whiskey sours," says Frank as he hands Gerard one of the drinks.

"Thanks," Gerard mumbles as he stares at a black and white photograph of crows flying.

"You like that?"

"Very much...it's beautiful."

"Someone gave that to me, I love it. I think I used to be a crow in another life," Frank caws and then laughs before taking a huge gulp of his drink.

"That was a good crow sound," Gerard laughs.

"Do you believe in that stuff? Reincarnation?"

Gerard thinks for a moment but before he can answer, Frank butts in.

"Me neither, man. Hey, look. There's an inscription on the back. The way a crow/Shook down on me/The dust of snow/From a hemlock tree/Has given my heart/A change of mood/And saved some part/Of a day I rued."

"Frost?"

Frank looks impressed at Gerard's knowledge. "Yeah, I'm not like a huge fan of him or anything but this made my cry for some reason."

"It's very pretty…" Gerard trails off before taking a sip from his own cup.

"What the fuck is that? Don't you like your drink? Down that shit, live a little," Frank commands as he gulps down the rest of his own whiskey sour.

Gerard hesitates before downing all that's left in his cup.

"That's it, drink up, it will make the whole seduction process less awkward," Frank wriggles his eyebrows and Gerard's eyes go wide. "Oh come on, I was just kidding," Frank quips as he sits next to Gerard.

Gerard looks over at Frank and lets his eyes wander down to his crotch before quickly looking away, blushing.

"You're nervous around me, huh?"

"I am," Gerard admits.

"You don't need to be nervous around me. I like you. Do you think I'm repulsively fat?"

"No, not at all."

"I don't either. I used to, but I've gotten over it," Frank says, before throwing in a quick change of subject. "So I've been seeing this guy recently-"

Gerard's face falls a bit.

"Just for the past week! He's kind of a goofball. He's the one who gave me the crow photograph. We went up to Boston because I wanted to lay on the Charles River, it's frozen this time of year."

"That sounds freaky," Gerard replies.

"Exactly! So Pete and I drove up there and he said nice things and he was super sweet but I was kinda disappointed to be there...with him. It just didn't feel right, ya know?"

"I think so..."

"You should come up to the Charles River with me some time, I could pack a night picnic, they're different than day picnics," Frank says as he scoots closer to Gerard and lays his head on his shoulder.

Gerard becomes visibly shy and whispers, "I should be going..."

"You should stay."

"I have to get up early in the morning so," Gerard says as he stands up and reaches for his coat.

"You should call me sometime. Would you do that? I'd like it," Frank says as he quickly scribbles his number down on a piece of paper and hands it to Gerard.

"You know..." Gerard shifts nervously from foot to foot. "I don't think your personality comes in a tube, the hair is just a pretty topping."

Frank pauses, smiles, and stands on his toes to kiss Gerard on the cheek. "So, you should call me tonight so we can test the phone lines."

"Okay..." is all Gerard can think to say before he leaves Frank's house, gets in his car, and drives home.


	4. I Call Your Name, But You're Not There

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I call your name  
> But you're not there  
> Was I to blame  
> For being unfair?
> 
> Oh, I can't sleep at night  
> Since you've been gone  
> I never weep at night  
> I can't go on
> 
> Don't you know I can't take it?  
> I don't know who can  
> I'm not gonna make it  
> I'm not that kind of man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This Week's Chapter Is Based On The Song- "I Call Your Name" by The Beatles

Once Gerard reaches his apartment building, he locks the door, takes off his jacket, and sits on his bed thinking of what to do next. Then he remembers something he promised. He reaches into his pocket, pulls out the piece of paper with Frank's number on it, and dials. "Fuck," he thinks, "what am I even going to say?"

"What took you so long?"

Gerard smiles and says, "I just walked in."

"Oh, really? Ya miss me?"

"Actually, I do." Gerard lays down to get more comfortable.

"Good. Tomorrow night we're going to the Charles River." Frank states like its already set plans.

"I'm not so sure if-" is all Gerard gets out before he hears the dial tone. Frank hung on up him. He sighs, sets down the phone, and goes to sleep without another thought.

* * *

"Come ON, you wuss! It's safe! I promise," Frank says as he reaches for Gerard's hand.

"I don't know, man. What if the ice breaks and we fall through?"

"That won't happen, and if it did, you can say you died doing something fun."

Gerard takes Frank's hand and slowly steps onto the frozen river. It's so slippery that he's afraid he's going to fall, but Frank has a tight grip on him.

"Whoa, it's gorgeous out here," Gerard exclaims as he takes in the vastness of the frozen river and all of the surrounding trees.

"Isn't it? I told you!" Frank lets go of Gerard's hand and runs onto the ice before falling flat on his ass.

"Holy shit, are you okay?" Gerard asks while cautiously making his way towards Frank.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Frank mumbles before reaching up for Gerard's hand and pulling him down onto the ice. "Lay down with me so we can look at the stars." Frank lays back and tugs on Gerard's jacket so he'll do the same and smiles once he finally complies. They spend all night naming constellations and talking about random shit like movies, music, and anything else that comes to their minds.

* * *

Gerard pulls in front of Frank's apartment and looks over to see the other man asleep. He lightly nudges Frank's shoulder to wake him up.

"Hey, I didn't wanna wake you but, we're here so," Gerard says once Frank looks awake enough to understand him.

"Oh, yeah, it's okay. Uhm…" Frank chews on his lip ring. "Can I stay at your place to sleep? I'm so tired."

Gerard's eyes widen. "Uh sure, I mean, if you want."

"Cool, just let me grab my toothbrush." Frank opens the car door and jogs up to his apartment.

Gerard lays his head against his seat and closes his eyes before hearing a knock at the window. "What the…?"

"Can I help you?"

Gerard blinks at the strange, raven-haired man. "Uh, what do you mean?"

"Can I help you with something?" The guy shifts his bag on his shoulder and waits for an answer.

"No…" Gerard is pretty convinced the guy is out of his mind.

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm not really sure what you're asking me."

The man looks even more confused than Gerard does before mumbling an "Oh, thanks," and walking away.

* * *

**Three Days Earlier**

Gerard turns off the lights and looks out his window. It looks as if snow is falling only under a dim streetlight across the street. When he looks to the left, he spots a large white van with two people sitting in it. He squints to get a better look at the two dark figures when one of them rolls down the van's window, tosses a cigarette out, and waves at Gerard with a smile.

"He's waving? I'm like a fucking joke to them." He says bitterly as he closes the blinds and starts pacing the room. "I guess they figure they can act however the fuck they want. Not like I'm gonna remember it."

Gerard reaches into the shopping bag he threw on his bed, pulls out a prescription bottle, and dumps two pills into his hand. The pills were pink with the initials AL 1718 on them. He had no clue what they were; he really doesn't like taking pills when he has no idea what they are or what they'll do to him. "Fuck it," he thinks and downs the pills with a drink of water.

He peeks through the blinds again to look at the van one more time before taking his clothes off and changing into his new pair of pajamas. Gerard throws the shopping bag onto the floor and reaches for his phone, dialing the familiar number.

"We're sorry, the number you have dialed is no longer in service. If you think you have reached this recording in error-"

"Fuck you, Frank. Fuck you for doing this to me." He sets his phone on his nightstand and lays down on his bed. Gerard closes his eyes and hears his apartment door opening, then closing, followed by footsteps. "It's them," he thinks. "It's too late to turn back now."

 


	5. Almost Convinced That We Never Happened

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From now on, everything written is from Gerard's memories, he is still sleeping in his room with the two strangers. There will be parts where we will go to scenes with the strangers doing things, but I will clarify those scenes. We will be jumping from memory to memory, so if you see a line break (the long bars), that will signal a certain memory. I will also say what the memory is (the place, who's there) so there isn't much confusion.
> 
>  
> 
> You were so perfect but not everlasting  
> I'm almost convinced that we never happened

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This Week's Chapter Is Based On The Song- "Florida Plates" by Pencey prep

Gerard paces the floor of Bob and LynZ's apartment, explaining the day's events through tears and confusion.

"When he didn't call for a few days, I thought he was just busy or something. So after work, I went to the Avalon Exchange, looking for something to get him, like an apology gift. I found this pair of fingerless gloves with skeletal hands printed on them and I knew they'd be perfect. I bought them, wrapped them in a box, and went to Guitar Center.

* * *

**Living The Memory**

Gerard stands near the door at Guitar Center, watching Frank stack random beginner's guides. Frank's hair is a weird mix of orange and off-blonde. "Maybe I should just talk to him," Gerard thinks before adjusting his shoulder bag in preparation to approach Frank. "I love you. Maybe if I just explained what happened...we could fix this." Right before Gerard makes it to Frank, a guy with back hair runs up and puts his hands over Frank's eyes.

"Guess who," he sings.

"Hmm...Dracula? Frankenstein? Wait no, the hands are too small and warm for that. Is it the cutest doctor's assistant in the world?" Frank reaches up to take the man's hands into his own and turns around with a smile.

Gerard's heart sinks as he realizes that's the look Frank used to have only for him.

"Hey, baby. I was in the neighborhood and decided to stop by."

Frank giggles and says, "You and I both know you weren't in the neighborhood."

"You're right, I just couldn't wait to see you," the raven-haired stranger says before leaning in to kiss Frank.

"Hey, uhm, excuse me?" Gerard taps Frank on the shoulder.

"Oh, sorry. Can I help you, sir?" Frank looks as if he has no idea who Gerard is.

Gerard stands in the middle of the showroom, speechless, before walking out of the store.

* * *

**Back at Bob and LynZ's**

"He didn't even know who I was, Bob. Did he get in an accident and get amnesia? What the fuck is going on?" Gerard still hasn't stopped pacing the floor as he rants.

"Hey man, maybe you should see this." Bob reaches into a drawer and pulls out a brown envelope.

"Bob! No! He can't!" LynZ rushes over and tries to free the envelope from Bob's grip.

"Well what's your fucking brilliant solution, LynZ? This is about Gerard! He deserves to know what the fuck Frank did to him!" LynZ looks from Bob, to Gerard, then back again.

"Fine, but if this fucks everything up, you take the blame," LynZ releases her hold on the envelope and storms out of the room.

"Here, man," Bob extends his hand and waves the envelope around, waiting for Gerard to take the hint. Gerard finally gives in and tears open the brown paper. There's a note inside.

_Frank Iero has had Gerard Way erased from his memory. Please never mention their relationship to him again. Thank you, Lacuna Inc._

Gerard states open mouthed at the letter. "What the fuck is this? Bob! Is this a fucking joke?"

"No, it's a place that does this...thing." Bob looks to the floor.

Gerard stuffs the letter into his messenger bag and storms out of the apartment.

* * *

**Gerard's Apartment**

At home, Gerard grabs a phone book and looks through the "L" section until he finds what he's looking for.

_Lacuna Inc. We'll help you forget!_

Gerard writes down the address and sets his alarm so he can wake up early to find out what the fuck Frank was doing at a place that makes you forget thing


	6. I'm Taking Back The Life You Stole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The damage you've inflicted, temporary wounds  
> I'm coming back from the dead and I'll take you home with me  
> I'm taking back the life you stole

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This Week's Chapter Is Based On The Song- "It's Not A Fashion Statement, It's A Deathwish" by My Chemical Romance

**Memory Of Gerard's First Visit To Lacuna Inc.**

Gerard walks along the busy city streets looking for the Lacuna Inc address. It's cold as fuck and he wishes his car hadn't run out of gas that morning. He looks up and sees the numbers he was looking for; 610 11th Avenue. He puts the piece of paper he wrote the address on and opens the door to the building. It looks like a run-down apartment complex on the outside.

As he enters the office, Gerard sees a blonde haired kid with dorky glasses on the phone. The kid motions to Gerard that he'll be with him in a moment and continues to stamp brown envelopes and talk away. Gerard approaches the counter and waits until the kid decides to get off of the phone.

"Can I help you?" the kid asks as he pushes his glasses back onto his nose.

"I'm Gerard Way."

"Excuse me?"

"I'm Gerard. Way. I have an appointment with doctor-"

"Schechter. Here," the kid reaches for a pile of papers stacked to a clipboard. "Take this and fill this out."

"Oh, I just wanna talk to him, I don't want-"

"You still need to fill this out."

Gerard sighs and takes the clipboard and heads towards an empty chair.

"Thank you," the kid says as he reaches to answer the ringing phone.

After finishing the paperwork, Gerard waits for what seems like forever for someone to call his name.

"Mr. Way," the same kid with the glasses says as he smiles and holds open a door to a back room.

Gerard follows him as they walk through many hallways.

"So, how are you today?"

"Not too good, actually," Gerard notices that the walls are totally empty, no PHD licenses or anything.

"BOO!"

Gerard quickly ducks from the loud noise.

"Dammit, Ray! I've got a client here!"

"Sorry, Mikey. I was just bored and-" Ray, a taller man with large curly hair, looks to the floor as if he were ashamed.

"It's fine, just act normal during business hours." Mikey looks back to Gerard and motions for him to continue following him through a large office door.

Mikey hands a clipboard to a man in a white lab coat before leaving the room.

"So, Mr. Way. It says here that you aren't interested in our procedure. What brings you in today?"

Gerard isn't sure how to answer, so he hands the man the letter Bob gave him. The doctor's eyes widen.

"Shit. Mr. Way, I'm so sorry you had to see this. You weren't supposed to. Oh, I'm Dr. Schechter, by the way."

Gerard leans in closer to the doctor and whispers, "This is a hoax, right?"

"I assure you it isn't, I'm sorry."

"This kind of thing doesn't exist. You can't just wipe people's memories!"

"Look, Mr. Way. Our files are confidential, so I can't show you any proof. Let's just say Mr. Iero was not happy and he wanted to move on. We provided him with that possibility."

Gerard stares at the doctor without any idea of what to say next.

* * *

**At Bob and LynZ's After The Lacuna Visit (same day)**

"He wasn't happy. We provided him with the possibility to move on," Gerard is leaning against a wall while LynZ runs around the kitchen, trying to cook.

"Look, you know how Frank is. He's impulsive and he decided to remove you from his memory as if you were a lark or something."

"A lark. Fuck me. DID NOTHING WE HAD TOGETHER MEAN ANYTHING TO HIM?" Gerard stands up, grabs his coat, and heads down to his car.

* * *

**At Lacuna Inc. The 2nd Time (same day)**

"No, Mr. Way! You can't go in there! he's with a client!" Gerard has two people trying to push him away from Dr. Schechter's office door.

"I need to talk to him!" Gerard pushes through the restraining arms and marches through the door.

"I'm sorry Doctor, he just barged his way in here. I-"

"It's fine, Mikey, let him be."

"But there are people waiting!" The kid once again, pushes his glasses back up onto his face.

"I said it's okay, Mikey. Go back to work." Dr. Schechter smiles at the young kid and walks back into his office, shutting the door behind him.

"Now, Mr. Way, the first thing we need you to do is to go home and collect anything you own that has some association to Frank. We'll use these items to create a map of Frank in your brain. Clothing, photos, books, gifts he may have given you, cds you may have bought together, journal entires, everything. After the mapping is done, our technicians will do the erasing in your home tonight, that way, when you wake up, you will find yourself in your own home, in your own bed, as if nothing had happened. You'll have a new life awaiting you."

Gerard only nods as he listens to the doctor's instructions.

* * *

**At Gerard's House After The 2nd Visit (same day)**

Gerard starts with his sketchbooks, tearing out countless pages filled with drawings of Frank. Then he heads to his cd collection and starts ripping out dozens of cds. As he continues to rid his life of Frank, Gerard starts sobbing violently as he relives the memories of all they once were.

"We were so in love. What the fuck happened to us?" Gerard starts digging through the back of his closet, throwing random things into the trashbags he's using for Frank's stuff. He stops when he sees the black bead bracelet Frank had given him. He wonders if Frank threw away the other one when he got the treatment done.

"Fuck him."

Gerard sets the two very heavy trashbags by the door and waits until it's time for his return appointment later in the day.

 


	7. Thanks For The Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One night and one more time  
> Thanks for the memories  
> Even though they weren't so great  
> "He tastes like you only sweeter"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This Week's Chapter Is Based On The Song- "Thnks Fr Th Mmrs" by Fall Out Boy

**Memory of Going Back To Lacuna For The Procedure**

Gerard walks slowly down the New York City streets with his two very heavy bags. His eyes are red and puffy from crying for the past few hours. He's not paying attention to anything and almost is run over by a dump truck when he tries to cross the street to Lacuna. Gerard opens the office door and sits down on an empty chair in the waiting room. A woman across from him is crying and looking down at the box in her lap, it's filled with random doggie care items. Mikey, the receptionist spots Gerard and covers the receiver to the phone to address him.

"Hello Mr. Way. Oh good, you've got your stuff, we'll be with you in a minute."

Several minutes pass before Mikey calls Gerard's name and leads him back to what looks like an operating room. Dr. Schechter is standing in the room with Ray, the guy who scared him earlier that day. "Great," he thinks. "Of all the people operating on my brain, this joker had to be it?"

"Mr. Way, this is Ray, he'll be in charge of your procedure today," Dr. Schechter nods in Ray's direction. "You can leave your bags here, we have some legal stuff to get out of the way before we can start," Dr. Schechter motions for Gerard to follow him as he walks back to his personal office.

Gerard sits in the chair across from the desk and waits for the doctor to say something.

"Now, I'm going to record this, and you need to tell me who you are, what you came to do, and answer any questions I may have in full." Gerard nods and begins to talk.

"I am Gerard Way and I'm here to have Frank Iero erased from my memory."

"Good, now tell me how you met Frank."

"I was living with this guy named Bert a few years ago and my friends Bob and LynZ invited us to this party at the beach. I hate parties, but I went even though Bert couldn't come. Nothing much happened, really, but that's how we met. He was there, I was there, and the rest is history."

"Okay," Dr. Schechter turns off the tape recorder and stands up again, walking back to the operating room. "You're in Ray's hands now; he'll take good care of you."

Ray motions for Gerard to sit on a chair that looks like something out of a salon.

"So uh…how exactly does this work?"

"We'll start with your most recent memories and go backwards. There's an emotional core to each of our memories and as we eradicate them, it starts the degradation process. When you wake up in the morning, all your memories will be gone." Ray talks as he marks random spots on Gerard's head with a marker.

"Is there any risk of brain damage?"

"The procedure itself is brain damage, but it's like a night of heavy drinking, nothing you'll miss."

Gerard looks around the room and sees everything getting dim and sort of fading away. He gets scared for a moment before he realizes what's happening. "Wait! It's happening right now! I'm already in my brain!"

Ray looks around at the eroding environment. "Yeah, I guess you are. Now let's get started." He puts electrodes on Gerard's temples and reaches into one of the trash bags. "We're going to use the stuff you brought to create a map of Frank in your brain and tonight, we'll follow the map and erase everything."

"But you're already erasing, you've done this." Gerard knows what is happening, but it's too much for his brain to comprehend. He watches as Ray sets a snow globe into the counter in front of him. He looks at it and remembers the trip he and Frank took to the coast.

"Good readings from that, okay, next item." This time Ray sets a hamster cage, still in the box, onto the counter. Gerard can't help but smile and laugh at himself for thinking he was going to actually buy a pet and manage to keep it alive.

Gerard notices the room becoming vague and wispy as Ray continues to put item after item in front of him.

"Hey, Pete, do me a favor-" Gerard is looking right at Ray, but he's not talking, his lips aren't moving, but he continues to hear his voice. "-and check the voltage levels, I'm not wiping as clean as I would like here." Ray's voice isn't coming from the man himself, but from above Gerard.

* * *

**Gerard's Apartment, That Night**

Gerard is laying on his bed in his pajamas, his eyes are closed and random electrodes are sticking to the side of his head. Ray is dressed in jeans and an Iron Maiden t-shirt and is holding a joystick in his hand, tracing lines on the screen of a monitoring of Gerard's brain. Pete is looking at another monitor next to him.

"The voltage looks fine, man."

"Then check the connections," Ray orders, never once looking away from the monitor.

Pete fiddles with some random buttons. "Does that help?"

"Yeah, that's perfect, thanks."

* * *

**Back In The Lab At Lacuna, During Gerard's Memory Tracing**

Ray puts a stack of papers in front of Gerard. "Ah, your journal, this will be invaluable." Ray picks up a random page and begins to read. "December 15, 2003. I met someone tonight. Oh fuck, I don't know what to do. His name is Frank and he's amazing. So alive and spontaneous and passionate and sensitive. Things with Bert and I have been stagnant for so long." Ray sets down the page and looks at a monitor. "I think we've got this one, let's go on."

Gerard looks up at the ceiling as he hears a voice above him yet again.

* * *

**Gerard's Apartment, That Night**

"It's kind of a dump, don't ya think?" Pete is walking around Gerard's apartment, looking through random things.

Ray is staring at the monitor, not paying any attention to Pete. "It's an apartment, how is it supposed to look?"

"It's just so plain, empty, uninspired."

"Pete, let's just get through this, we have a long night ahead of us. "

"Yeah, okay." Pete returns to his seat between the monitors and Gerard's bed before staring at the unconscious man. "Who do you think is better looking, me or this guy?" Ray gives Pete a questioning look and doesn't answer before he looks back at the screen and continues his work.

 


	8. Wait Until It Fades To Black

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wait until it fades to black  
> Ride into the sunset  
> Would I lie to you?  
> Well, I've got something to say

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This Week's Chapter Is Based On The Song- "Hang 'Em High by My Chemical Romance. This is mainly just by the one lyric, not the entire song.

**In Gerard's Office-Day**

Gerard gets off of the elevator and approaches the receptionist. _So then he_ _just stops calling. I wasn't going to call him. Not after the way he acted_ , he thought to himself. "Any messages, Alicia?"

The receptionist shakes her head and Gerard sighs heavily and walks to his studio. The next day, Gerard approaches Alicia again. "Any messages, Ali-"

"Nothing, Gerard. Sorry." She looks honestly sorry about it.

  
_It's bullshit_ , he thought. _He's punishing me for being honest with him_. Gerard went into his studio and picked up the phone. The mechanic voice reminded him that he had no new messages so he hung up, frustrated.

* * *

**Gerard's Apartment-That night**

Gerard sits on his bed and checks his machine: No Messages. "That's it! I'm just gonna-" Gerard dials Frank's number. "I'm gonna tell him I'm through playing games and-"

"The number you have dialed has been disconnected."

* * *

**Gerard's Apartment After He Finds Out About The Memory Erasing.**

Gerard paces his apartment before sitting on his bed and pulling out a dictionary.

_Lacuna: Noun. A blank, a missing portion, especially in a manuscript._

Gerard picks up the phone and calls LynZ and begins arguing about what he saw earlier in her apartment.

"Gerard, you can't just tell him. I've told you that already. It'd be like waking a sleepwalker. It could have a devastating effect. Think about it, to be told you had lived an existence and to have no recollection of it."

Gerard began pacing around his apartment again. "But what am I supposed to do?"

"Move on, sweetie."

"How can I? How can I move on when I'm the only one to carry this love we had? How can I do it?"

* * *

**Lacuna-The Day Of Gerard's First Visit**

Gerard gets off the elevator at the sixth floor, searching for a room number. As he turns the corner, he sees that the hallway is faded, vague, and mostly erased. He keeps walking until he comes to the door marked, "Lacuna," and opens it. Inside he can see the vague, erased version of Mikey the receptionist.

"Hi, may I help you?" Mikey's voice is a dead monotone.

The degraded, faded memory allows Gerard to detach himself from his mind and hear what's going on in his bedroom.

* * *

**Gerard's Apartment-During His Memory Erasing**

Ray is still watching the monitors as Pete sits on the bed with Gerard.

"So, Mikey's coming over tonight," Ray says as he works the joystick.

Gerard looks up, unable to move the rest of his body.

"Yeah?" Pete asks.

"Just wanted to let you know."

"I like Mikey. I like when he comes to visit. I just don't think he likes me much."

Ray rolls his eyes, "He likes you just fine."

Pete plays with Gerard's comforter. "I wonder if I should invite my boyfriend over, too. I have a boyfriend now. Did I tell you?"

R ay moves the joystick around more. "That memory's gone. And you can invite him if you want. But no, you didn't tell me."

"Oh." Pete looks visibly nervous. "The thing is...my situation is a little weird. My boyfriend situation."

"Pete, we need to focus." Ray aims the joystick at the screen pointedly, making Pete go quiet.

 


	9. Don't Walk Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't walk away  
> 'Cause if you stay I will either wait all night  
> Or until my heart explodes  
> How long until we fall away in the dark and out of harm?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This Week's Chapter Is Based On The Song- "Summertime" by My Chemical Romance.

**Gerard's Apartment-Night**

Gerard sits on his couch, distractedly reading a book. He checks the clock and then goes back to reading. The door opens, causing him to jump and look up to see Frank staggering into the apartment, drunk.

"Yo ho ho!" Frank shouts, barely able to stand up straight.

Gerard sets his book down on the side table. "It's three in the morning."

_Shit, this is the last time I saw you._

Frank ignored Gerard's comment and started talking again. "Anyhoo, sweetie, I done a bad thing. I kinda, sorta...wrecked your car..."

  
_I_ _cannot_ _believe you wrecked my car...your car..._  


"You're driving drunk, it's pathetic," Gerard mumbled.

Frank frowned. "...Only a little. I was just tipsy, don't call me pathetic..."

"Well, it is pathetic! And irresponsible! You could've killed somebody!"

The scene around them starts to degrade, becoming fuzzy, breaking down around them.

"I don't know," Gerard continued, "Maybe you did kill somebody."

"Oh, Christ!," Frank shouted, "I didn't kill anybody! It's just a dent! You're like an old lady or something!"

"What are you like? A wino?"

"A wino? Jesus, are you from the fifties? A wino!" Frank laughs, dropping his coat to the floor. "Face it, Gerard. You're freaked out because I was out late without you, and in your little wormy brain, you're trying to figure out. _Did he fuck someone tonight_?"

Gerard scoffed, folding his arms over his chest. "No, see, Frank, I assume you fucked someone tonight. Isn't that how you get people to like you?"

That shut Frank up really quickly, he was hurt. He turns around and starts gathering up his belongings, which are strewn about the apartment. Gerard follows him around, feeling guilty. "Look, I'm sorry, okay? I just...I was just pissed, I guess. I didn't mean it."

Frank does not say a word and walks out the door, Gerard following him. Gerard looks at his dented car, and then at Frank, who is clomping off into the distance. He quickly gets in the car and drives to catch up to Frank, rolling down the window to talk to him. "Let me drive you home."

"Fuck you, Gerard. Faggot." Frank did not even bother to turn around, he just kept walking, eyes staring firmly ahead.

"Look at it out here! It's falling apart! I'm erasing you and I'm happy about it!"

Frank kept clomping, pretending not to hear Gerard's words.

"You did it to me. I can't believe you did this to me. By morning, you'll be gone. Ha!" Gerard stops the car and gets out, hurrying after Frank.

The street looks like something you might see in a dream, an impression of a quiet street rather than an actual one. Gerard wanders, seeing Frank walking off in the distance. No matter how quickly Gerard walks, Frank doesn't get any farther away or any closer, everything is in a loop.

"See, remember that guy? The one we did last week? The one with the guitars?" Pete's voice can be heard, Gerard looks up, startled, having no idea who the voice belonged to.

"Yeah, that's this guy's boyfriend."

* * *

**Gerard's Apartment-During His Memory Erasing**

Ray is watching the screen as Pete paces the room, fidgets, looks at the unconscious Gerard.

"I gotta tell you something," Pete starts, "I kind of fell in love with him that night."

Ray looks at Pete with an eyebrow raised. "He was unconscious."

"He was beautiful. So sweet and funky and voluptuous. I kind of stole a pair of his underwear.."

Ray stops what he's doing and gazes, open-mouthed at Pete. "Jesus, Pete! What's wrong with you?"

* * *

**The Middle Of A Street, Gerard following Frank.**

In the middle of the vague street, Gerard listens to Ray and Pete, still confused about where the voices are coming from.

"I know. It's not like... I mean, they were clean and all."

"Look, man, just don't tell me this stuff. I don't want to know this shit."

Pete's voice sounds deflated, rejected. "Yeah, okay."

Ray clears his throat, trying to ease the tension. "We have a job to do."

There's a sudden click and Gerard finds himself in-

* * *

**Gerard's Apartment, A Different Night**

Gerard and Frank are sitting and eating dinner in front of the television, both on opposite ends of the couch. They look bored. Everything quickly degenerates, the room fades to black.

"Okay, but there's more," Pete's voice can still be heard, but only by Gerard. "After we did him, I went to where he worked and I asked him out."

Gerard looks over at the faded version of Frank across the couch. He's staring straight ahead at the television.

"Pete...do you know how unethical..."

_That must be the guy I saw you with in the guitar shop that day._

There's another click and Gerard is in-

* * *

**Gerard's Apartment, Another Night.**

Gerard sits on the couch, watching TV as Frank walks by in his underwear. He remembers this, remembers what happens next. Glancing at the TV, he slips on a pair of black pants.

"How can you watch this crap?

Gerard turns his gaze to Frank. "Where are you going?"

"I'm fucking crawling out of my skin; I gotta get out of here."

The scene begins to fade as Frank puts on his shoes and heads out the door, leaving Gerard immersed in darkness.

 


	10. I'm Looking Through You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm looking through you, where did you go  
> I thought I knew you, what did I know  
> You don't look different, but you have changed  
> I'm looking through you, you're not the same
> 
> Your lips are moving, I cannot hear  
> Your voice is soothing, but the words aren't clear  
> You don't sound different, I've learned the game.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This Week's Chapter Is Based On The Song- "I'm Looking Through You" The Beatles  
> (I highly, HIGHLY recommend listening to this week's song because it's absolutely a perfect fit for these upcoming chapters)

  
**(Zoo-Daytime)**  
Gerard and Frank walk around the Bronz Zoo unhappily. They hold hands loosely and barely look at any of the animals. Frank watches parents walk past with their children, all looking blissful and completely joyed.  
 _'Oh, shit, I remember this.'_  
Gerard stops walking and turns to Frank, "Do you want to go?"  
Frank glares at Gerard. "I want to have a baby," he states.  
Gerard tries to move Frank towards the exit, "Let's talk about it later-"  
"No. I want to have a baby! I have to have one."  
Gerard shakes his head, staring down at the ground. "I don't think we're ready."  
"You mean you're not ready," Frank says, now standing away from Gerard.  
"Frank, do you really think you could take care of a kid?"  
Frank steps violently towards him, glaring. "What?!"  
Gerard steps back, hands up in defense. "I don't want to talk about this here," he says, numbly.  
"Gerard, we're fucking gonna talk about it!" Gerard looked around, noticing dozens of people stopping to watch the scene they were making. "You can't fucking say something like that and then say you don't want to talk about it!"  
"Frankie, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have-"  
"I'd be a fucking good parent! I love children! I'm creative and smart and I'd make a fucking great parent!" Frank was now screaming, not noticing the scene starting to fade.  
 _'Oh, thank, God, it's going...'_  
"It's you! It's you who can't commit to anything! You have no idea how lucky you are I'm interested in you! I don't even know why I am! I should just end it right here, Gerard. Leave you in the zoo. Maybe you could find a nice sloth to hang out with!" Frank was crying now, but it seemed animatronic, no real emotion in it. The scene was turning into nothing but a husk as Frank went on, never once seeing the degredation around them.  
"It's going, Frank. All the crap and hurt and disappointment. It's all being wiped away."  
Frank looks up at Gerard, their eyes locking. "I'm glad."  
"Me too." Frank fades right before Gerard's eyes, leaving him alone yet again.

* * *

**(In A Bar-Night Time)**  
It's noisey and crowded at the bar. Frank and Gerard are sitting at a small table. Frank is drunk and staring off at the crowd, blankly.  
"So, um-"  
Frank swivels in his seat and turns to face Gerard. "Gee, would you get me another?"  
Gerard sighs, stands, and heads towards the crowded bar.  
"Thanky, Thanky!"  
Gerard stands at the bar, trying to get the bartender's attention. Once he finally gets his order, he pays and turns with the drinks to head back to the table. He sees Frank flirting with a man sitting in his seat. Gerard quickly walks over and stands, fuming, above Frank.  
"Gerard, this is Mark. He likes my ass. He came over special to tell me that. Isn't that nice? He doesn't think I'm fat."  
The scene starts to fade as Mark stands up, looking neutral. "Hey, man, I didn't know  he was with someone."  
"S'okay, Mark. Gerard doesn't like my ass." Frank leans in and whispers to Mark, "I don't think he even likes men."  
The bar gets quiet and vague as Gerard sets the drinks down. "You're drunk."  
"You're a whiz kid. So perceptive, so-"  
As Frank continues to talk, the words become unintelligible, just a whisper, like a breeze. Gerard hears a doorbell buzz and looks up, confused.

* * *

**(Gerard's Apartment-Night)**  
Pete opens the door and fings Mikey standing in a winter coat, carrying a backpack. "Oh, hey, Pete."  
"Hi, Mikey. How's it goin'?"  
Mikey walks in past Pete, heading straight for Ray. "Hey, you." He leans in and kisses Ray before stepping back and taking off his coat. "It's freezing out."  
"You found us okay?" Ray asks, ignoring the monitors for the first time that night.  
"Yeah." Mikey looks at Joel and shakes his head. "Poor guy. He got anything to drink?"  
Ray shrugs and turns back to his monitors. "We haven't checked."  
"Well, allow me to do the honors. It's fucking freezing and I need something." Mikey heads into the kitchen.  
Pete waits until Mikey's gone before he sits next to Ray. "Mikey hates me. I've never been popular with other guys."  
"Maybe if you stopped stealing their underwear."  
Pete pauses, feeling guilty. "Okay, there's more, Ray-"  
Ray looks over at Pete, about to say something, but stops when Mikey returns with a bottle of scotch and two glasses.  
"Hey, hey," Mikey says as he pours the scotch into the glasses. "Oh, Pete, you didn't want any? Did you?"  
"Nah, it's fine."  
Mikey hands a glass to Ray and holds his own up in a toast. "Blessed are the forgetful, for they get the better even of their blunders."  
They clink glasses before something catches Mikey's eye. " **Nietzsche. Beyond, Good and Evil** , found it in my Bartletts."  
"That's a good one."  
"Yeah, I can't wait to tell Brian! It seems really appropriate."  
Ray's face falls, "It's a good one alright."  
"What's your bartlett's?" Pete asks, completely lost.  
"It's a quote book," Ray helps.  
"I love quotes. So did Winston Churchill. He actually has a quotation in Bartlett's about Bartlett's, isn't that trippy?" Mikey gushes.  
"Yeah, cool," Pete says, trying to engage.  
"The quotations when engraved upon the memory give you good thoughts."  
"Very cool. Trippy." Mikey could tell Pete was still confused on the subject.  
"I like to read what smart people say. So many beautiful, important things. Don't you think Brian's like that? Smart? Important?"  
Ray pauses for a moment before mumbling a quiet, "Yeah, sure."  
"Definitely. He's the smartest guy I know," Pete adds.  
"I think he'll be in Bartlett's one day." Mikey says as he pours himself another drink. Ray says nothing and continues to stare at the montior, biting his tongue.

* * *

**(Gerard's Bedroom-Night [In A Memory])**  
It's dark, the lights are off as Frank and Gerard lay in bed. The memory is already in the midst of being erased, causing Frank's voice to sound robotic and emotionless.  
"You don't tell me things, Gerard. I'm an open book. I tell you everything. Every damn embarrassing thing! You don't trust me, do you?"  
"No, it isn't that. I trust you," Gerard says as he caresses Frank's face.  
"I want to know you."  
"I just don't have anything very interesting about my life," Gerard whispers.  
"You're a liar." Frank's voice fades away at the end of the statement, taking him with it. Gerard is left laying there for a moment, registering what just happened.

 


	11. You're Beautiful To Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The world is ugly,  
> But you're beautiful to me.  
> Are you thinking of me?  
> Like I'm thinking of you.
> 
> I would say I'm sorry  
> but I really need to go.
> 
> \------
> 
> There's an aching in my heart  
> And there's a burden in my eyes.  
> I could get a new start  
> But I'd rather learn not try.  
> I could find a new place  
> Maybe no one knows my name  
> But I think it's just a phase.  
> Oh are you happy now?  
> Now that you got  
> What you came for

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This Week's Chapter Is Based On The Song- "The World Is Ugly" My Chemical Romance  
> (the song fits ab-so-fucking-lutely perfectly with this chapter and the story in general so listen to it!)

 

**(Chinese Restaurant-Night)**

                Frank and Gerard sit at a small table, eating dinner in silence. Gerard looks around at other couples in the restaurant. Some seem happy and engaged, others seem bored with each other. He sighs and turns back to his food. “How’s the chicken?”

 

_‘Is that like us? Are we just bored with each other?’_

                “Good,” Frank replies. Gerard watches him as he downs his wine and pours another glass. He holds the wine bottle up. “More?”

                “No. Thanks.”

                There’s an uneasy silence as they stare down at their plates, unsure of what to say to each other. “How’s the fish?” Frank asks.

                The memory is starting to fade.

                “It’s good.”

                They continue to each in silence at the memory dissolves.

                Pete’s voice can be heard as the memory finally fades to black.

“Hi, Frank! –Why, what’s wrong? –Oh, I’m Sorry. –Well, I’m not sure. I kind of have to study for my test.”

 

* * *

 

**(Gerard’s apartment-Night)**

Pete is on the phone next to Gerard’s bed. “Hold on. Let me ask my friend.” Pete covers the mouthpiece to the phone and looks to Ray. “Hey, can I leave for a little while? My boyfriend is very—“

                “Pete, we’re in the middle of—“

                “He’s right in the neighborhood. He’s upset.”

                 Mikey pokes his head out from the kitchen with a piece of pie on a plate in his hands. “Let him go, Ray. I can help.”

                “Go,” Ray says with a sigh.

                “Mikey hates me,” Pete whispers. “I’ll be right over, Ghoul,” he says into the phone before hanging up.

                “Ghoul? What the fuck is that?”

                “It’s his nickname. It has to do with this whole…hair thing he’s got going on. Don’t ask.”

 

* * *

 

**(Frank’s Apartment-Night)**

                There are candles lit around the apartment. Frank and Gerard are under a blanket on the living room rug listening to music.

                “Gee?”

                “Yeah, Ghoul?”

                “Do you know the Velveteen Rabbit?”

                “No.”

“It’s my favorite book. Since I was a kid. It’s about these toys. There’s this part where the skin Horse tells the rabbit what it means to be real,” Frank pauses, tears coming to his eyes. “I can’t believe I’m crying already. He says, ‘It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t often happen to people who break easily or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has to be loved off, your eyes drop out, and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all. Because once you are Real, you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.” Frank starts to cry harder as Gerard stokes his hair.

                Gerard scoots closer to Frank, closing the distance between them. He tilts Frank’s chin up and kisses him slowly, gently. “Come on, angel, don’t you cry,” he whispers as he wipes away his boyfriend's tears.

                Frank laughs and pulls Gerard on top of him, catching him in a kiss again. Frank’s breathing becomes more and more broken as he tugs Gerard’s shirt over his head. Gerard kicks his pants off and reaches up to the coffee table to grab some lube. Meanwhile, Frank undresses himself and lays under the blanket, waiting patiently. Once Gerard has what he needs, he squirts some of the lube onto his hands and readies himself.

                Gerard pushes himself up onto his elbows as he positions himself above Frank. He pauses a moment and stares at his lover. His messy, black hair, his tear-stained cheeks; he looks like the most beautiful thing Gerard has ever laid eyes on. He thanks whatever higher power there is for giving him someone as perfect as Frank.

                Impatient as always, Frank squirms underneath Gerard, trying to grab his boyfriend’s attention again. “Sorry, I…sorry,” Gerard murmurs as he snaps out of it. He spreads Frank’s legs apart and enters him slowly and carefully. Nothing is rushed, nothing matters except each other, not even time. As Gerard begins to move in and out of Frank slowly, he leans down and kisses his lover’s neck, quietly whispering, “I love you, you’re beautiful. To me, you are perfect, never forget that.”

                Gerard revels in the moment, loving how sweet and perfect everything is, making him barely notice the room breaking down and dissolving around them.

                “No! Jesus, No!” Gerard screams, now fully aware of the memory fading. He looks down and sees Frank’s tear-streaked face begin to fade.

                Frank continues as if he’s still being made love to, even though Gerard is completely beside himself. He jumps up naked and yells at the ceiling. “Please! Please! I’ve changed my mind! I don’t want this. Wake me up! Stop the procedure! Plea—“

 

* * *

**(Gerard’s Apartment-Night)**

                Gerard is unconscious on the bed, completely still, unable to show what he wants. No matter how much his brain wants it all to stop, it’s too late. The memories are fading. Frank is fading.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cried while writing this and I'm not sorry. This was a short chapter, but it needed to end there. I'll be updating really soon to make up for it!  
> If you could review, I'd appreciate it. I like to know is people actually like the story.


	12. Hide Your Body From The Scarecrow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hold your breath when a black bird flies  
> Count to seventeen and close your eyes  
> I'll keep you safe inside
> 
> He burns my skin  
> Never mind about the shape I'm in  
> I'll keep you safe tonight yeah
> 
> Move your body when the sunlight dies  
> Everybody hide your body from the scarecrow  
> Everybody hide

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This Week's Chapter Is Based On The Song- "S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W" My Chemical Romance

**(Gerard’s Apartment-Night)**

                Mikey and Ray watch over the monitor and pass a joint back and forth between them, paying no attention to Gerard. “It’s amazing, isn’t it? Such a gift Brian gave the world.

                “Yeah, I guess,” Ray sighs.

                “To let people begin again. It’s beautiful. You look at a baby and it’s so fresh, so clean, so free. And adults… they’re like this messy tangle of anger and phobias and sadness… hopelessness. And Brian just make it all go away,” Mikey rambles.

                “You love him, don’t you?” Ray asks, avoiding looking at Mikey.

                Mikey seems surprised, taken aback, caught. He’s silent for a long time before answering, “No. Besides, Brian’s married, Ray. He’s a very serious and ethical man. I’m not going to tempt him to betray all he believes in.”

                Ray takes another drag on the joint and passes it back to Mikey, dropping the subject.

 

* * *

**(Street-Night)**

                Frank watches out the window at Pete, bundled up and carrying a full backpack, trudges through the snow. He’s clearly been crying.

                As Pete makes his way up the front stairs, Frank swings open the door and hugs him.

                “Oh, baby, what’s going on?” Pete asks, his voice laced with concern.

                “I don’t know. I’m lost. I’m scared. I feel like I’m disappearing. I’m getting old and nothing makes any sense to me.”

                “Oh, Ghoul--”

                “Nothing makes any sense. Nothing makes any fucking sense!” Frank says as he pushes himself out of the embrace and looks at Pete. “Come up to Boston with me?”

                “Sure. We’ll go next weekend and—“

                “Now. Now! I have to go now. I have to see the frozen Charles! Now! Tonight!”

                “Um, okay. I’ll call my study partner.”

                “Yay! It’ll be great! I’ll get my shit,” Frank says as he runs into his bedroom. Pete is at the phone and realizes he doesn’t know Gerard’s number. After a moment’s thought, he *69’s. The phone rings.

                “Hi, it’s Gerard. Please leave a message after the beep,” Gerard’s voicemail plays before a loud ‘BEEP.’

                “Ray,” Pete whispers. “Pick up. It’s Pete.”

_‘Hey, where are you?’_

                “I got into a situation with the old man. Can you handle things tonight alone? I’m really sorry, man.

 

* * *

**(Gerard’s Apartment-Night)**

                Ray is on the phone, completely stoned as he watches Mikey, stoned himself, dancing in a sexy trance to something soft and low on the stereo. “I can handle it. He’s pretty much on auto-pilot anyway.”

* * *

**(Frank’s Apartment-Night)**

                “Thanks, Ray. I owe you,” Pete says before hanging up. He quickly rifles through his backpack and pulls out a pair of fingerless gloves with skeleton hands printed on them before shoving them into his pocket. He then pulls out a journal, flips through it, keeping an eye on the bedroom door. The handwriting is a man’s. He finds what he’s looking for. He reads;

                _I took Gerard to walk on the Charles River with me last night. It was so beautiful and charming. Gerard was nervous about stepping onto the ice, but he wanted to please me so much—he’s so sweet—that he came after me. We lay down right in the center and watched the stars. He took my hand and said, ‘I could…’_  


* * *

**(Charles River-Night)**

                Frank and Gerard lie together holding hands on the frozen river. They gaze up at the stars and shiver slightly at the biting cold air.

                “…die right now, Frankie. I’m just… happy. I’ve never felt that before. I’m just exactly where I want to be.”

                Frank looks over at him, his eyes filled with love and tears. Then everything starts to get vague. The memory is being erased, causing Gerard to panic. “Frankie, no! This can’t keep happening. Please! Oh, Fuck! Please!”

                Crazily, Gerard runs off, passing through a series of decayed memories; He and Frank arguing in a car, having sex on the beach, laughing and holding hands at a movie, eating grilled cheese and tomato soup together in bed, Gerard watching Frank sleep, them drinking at a bad. He arrives at a decayed version of his first meeting with Schechter.

                “We can help you through this. Why don’t you start now by telling me everything you can remember about—“

                “You have to stop this!” Gerard pleads.

                “What? What do you mean?” Dr. Schechter asks.

                “I’m trapped in my head and everything I love is being erased! Stop it now!”

                “Yes, but… I’m just something you’re imagining. What can I do? I’m in your head, too.”

* * *

**(Frank’s Apartment-Night)**   


                Pete continues to read the journal.

_…and we made love right on the ice. It was absolutely freezing on my ass! It was wonderful._

                Frank enters, dressed for the cold, causing Pete to hastily put the journal away.

                “I’m so fucking excited!”

                “I’m excited, too! Oh, and I wanted to give you this. It’s a little… thing.” Pete pulls the gloves from his pocket and hands them to Frank. “I didn’t have a chance to wrap them.”

                “They’re rad!” Frank says as he pulls the gloves on. “Just my taste! I’ve never gone out with a guy who bought me something I liked.” He quickly kisses Pete and smiles. “Thanks. So let’s get going. Long drive.”

* * *

**(Gerard’s Apartment-Night)**

                As Gerard lies asleep in his bed, Mikey and Ray are going at it on the floor. Mikey doesn’t worry about staying quiet as Ray hits his prostate over and over. He lets out a slew of high-pitched moans, not caring how silly he might sound. Ray continues to stroke Mikey’s hard cock as he slams into the younger male again and again, getting them both closer to the finish line. With one final brush against Mikey’s prostate, they’re both moaning and breathing hard as they come at the same time. After Ray strokes Mikey through his orgasm, he collapses on top of the smaller man and pants heavily, completely out of breath.

* * *

**(A Forest-Day)**

                Frank and Gerard are hiking through the woods, their feet causing the fallen leaves to crunch with every step. Frank is pretty far ahead of Gerard, not caring if he’s leaving his boyfriend behind. “Such a beautiful view.”

                “Yes indeed,” Gerard says, looking at Frank. “Fuck! They’re erasing you, Frankie,” he shouts as he snaps out of the memory.

                “Oh?”

                “I hired them to. We’re in my brain. But I want it to stop, before I wake up and don’t know you anymore.”

                “Wow. Um, well… can’t you just force yourself awake?” Frank asks as he stops, sitting down on a giant log.

                “I don’t know,” Gerard admits. He concentrates, nothing happens. “Aaargh! It’s horrible! I’m trapped!” He starts to have a fit, banging against trees, stomping his feet, screaming. But even while he’s doing this, the memory and Frank are fading around him.

* * *

**(Gerard’s Apartment-Day) (Memory)**

It’s raining out as Gerard slouches in a chair, sketching. He looks over at Frank, stretched out on his belly in his underwear. He’s writing something, too.

_‘He’s so sexy.’_

                “I loved you on this day. I love this memory. The rain. Us just hanging.”

                Frank looks over at him and smiles. After a moment, his brow furrows in thought. “What if you hide me?”

                “What do you mean?”

                “Well…if they’re looking for me in memories I’m in, what if you take me to a memory I’m not in?” Frank states, clearly proud of his idea. “And we can hide there till morning.”

                Gerard ponders the idea as the memory and Frank start to dissolve. He grabs Frank’s hand and pulls him out of the memory just as it fades to black.

 

 


	13. When I Was A Young Boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes I get the feeling she's watching over me.  
> And other times I feel like I should go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This Week's Chapter Is Based On The Song- "Welcome To The Black Parade" by My Chemical Romance

 

  
**(Kitchen-Day)**  
    The kitchen is dated and vague. Frank and Gerard are in an oversized playpen; they’re adults, but small. Gerard is wearing footsie pajamas with some vague little animals on them. He’s holding a green leperchaun doll. Frank is still in his underwear. An oversized woman in high heels hurries back and forth preparing dinner.  
    “Jesus. What’s this?”  
    Gerard looks around at the kitchen, at his doll, at the woman. “I must be about two,” Gerard says before changing. “I want my mommy. She’s busy. She’s not looking at me. Look, my huckleberry hound doll!” he says, shoving the doll into Frank’s hands. “I want my mommy!”  
    Frank hugs Gerard and does his best to comfort him as he begins to cry. “I want my mommy!” he repeats over and over before changing again. “I don’t want to lose you, Frankie.”  
    “I’m right here,” Frank assures.  
    “I’m scared. I want my mommy. I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want to lose—“  
    “Gerard, Gee, look… it’s not fading. The memory. I think were hidden.”  
    Gerard sucks in some snot and watches as his mother scurries back and forth changing pots. The room still isn’t decaying.

* * *

**(Gerard’s Room-Night)**  
    Mikey and Ray lay on the floor, their stoned minds wandering after sex. Ray suddenly perks up and looks at the monitor. “It’s stopped.”  
    “What?”  
    “Listen, it’s not erasing.” He makes his way, naked, to the computer screen. “It’s not erasing. He’s off the screen.”  
    “Where?”  
    “I don’t know. He’s not on the map.” Ray tries to break through his marijuana haze as he fiddles nervously with the equipment. “I don’t know what to do! I don’t know what to do! Crap. Crap—“  
    “Well, what should we do?” Mikey asks.  
    “I don’t know! I just said that!”  
    “Sor-ry. We have to do something. He can’t wake up half done.”  
    “Shit!” Ray says as he jerks the joystick spastically. Mikey, also naked, gets up and looks over his shoulder at the screen.  
    “We should call Brian,” Mikey says definitely.  
    Ray turns to Mikey and looks at him. He’s stoned and trying to understand his motivation. “No way. I can handle this.”  
    “This guy’s only half cooked. There’s no time to fuck around, Ray.”  
    Ray paces as he tries to think. “Okay,” he says as he dials the phone and waits. “Hello, Brian?”

* * *

**(Schechter’s Bedroom)**  
    The room is dark, pitch black. A groggy Brian is in bed on the phone. His wife lies beside him, eyes open, listening. “Ray? What’s going on?”  
 _“The guy we’re doing? He’s disappeared from the map. I can’t find him anywhere.”_  
    “Okay, what happened right before he disappeared?”  
 _“I was away from the monitor for a second. I had it on automatic. I had to go pee.”_  
    “Well, where was Pete?”  
 _“He went home sick.”_  
    “Jesus. All right, what’s the address?”  
 _“69 Salter Place. Apartment 1E. Rockville Center.”_  
    Schechter writes it down on a bedside note pad and hangs up.

* * *

**(Gerard’s Apartment-Night)**  
    Ray hands up the phone and looks at Mikey.  
    “He’s coming?”  
    “You better go.”  
    “Hell no!” Mikey says as he starts getting dressed. “Shit, I’m so stoned. I don’t want him to see me stoned. Stop being stoned, Mikey!” He hurries into the bathroom with his bag. “God, I look like shit! God!” Mikey slams the bathroom door and Ray puts his head in his hands.

* * *

**(Kitchen-Day)**  
    Frank and Gerard are in the playpen. Gerard’s oversized mother reaches down as she hurries by and pats Gerard on the head. “How’s my baby boy?”  
    “I really want her to pick me up. It’s weird how strong that desire is.”  
    Frank holds his hand and Gerard looks over at him. “You know, we’re okay. They’re not finding us. You’ll remember me in the morning. And you’ll come to me and tell me about us and we’ll start over.”  
    “I loved you so much this day. On my bed in your underwear. I remember I thought, how impossibly lucky I am to have you on my bed in your underwear,” Gerard says before Frank leans forward and kisses him.  
    “You remember what happened next?”  
    “I came over to the bed and you smelled so good, like you just woke up, slightly sweaty. And I climbed on the bed with you and you said something like—“  
    “—another rainy day. Whatever shall we do?”  
    Gerard laughs as Frank unbuttons his pajamas. They begin to make out as Gerard’s mother hurries around the kitchen. Gerard stops and looks at Frank. “There’s this guy!”  
    “What?”  
    “There’s this guy. I heard him talking in my apartment. He’s one of the eraser guys. And he fell for you when they were erasing you, so he introduced himself the next day as if he were a stranger and now you’re dating him.”  
    “Really? Is he cute?” Frank asks.  
    “He stole a pair of your underwear while you were being erased!”  
    “Gross! You must remember to tell me this in the morning! I’m, like, so freaked out now.”

* * *

**(Frank’s Car-Night)**  
It’s a rust bucket. Frank drives through the snow, crying and holding Pete’s hand. “What’s wrong with me?”  
    “Nothing is wrong with you. You’re the most wonderful person I’ve ever met.”  
    He glances gratefully over at Pete and then starts to cry even harder.

 


	14. The Kids From Yesterday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well now this could be the last of all the rides we take  
> So hold on tight and don't look back  
> We don't care about the message  
> Or the rules they make  
> I'll find you when the sun goes black

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This Week's Chapter Is Based On The Song- "The Kids From Yesterday" by My Chemical Romance

  **(Gerard's Bedroom-Night)**  
    Ray works hard on trying to get the signal back. His hair is held back in a rubber band and he's dressed neatly, looking professional but still stoned. Mikey is pacing nervously to and from the window, looking out into the night. He's dressed as well, and his hair is combed into some sort of a style. Suddenly, he freezes at the window. "There he is. Oh my God. Oh my God. Do I look okay?"  
    Ray doesn't say anything.  
    "I'm still stoned. Are you? Crap." Mikey looks in the mirror and then to Gerard. "Your Visine didn't do shit, fella."  
    The doorbell buzzes. Mikey lunges for the door, then calms himself before opening it. Schechter, holding an equipment bag, looks surprosed. "Mikey. What are you doing here?"  
    "He came to help, Brian," Ray lies quickly.  
    "I wanted to learn as much about the procedure as possible. I think it's important for my job... to help comfort the clientele. You know."  
    Schechter looks from Mikey to Ray, nods, and enters. Mikey closes the door. Schechter crosses to the equipment. "Let's get down to the bottom of this. Shall we?" He sits down in front of the computer and does some fiddling. "Odd." He fiddles some more. Mikey looks on, fascinated.  
    "I tried that already," Ray interjects.  
    "Did you try going in through the C-Gate?"  
    "Yeah. Of course."  
    Schechter ponders. He unzips his equipment bag, pulls out another laptop computer, and plugs it into the system. "I'm going to do a Spectrum search throughout his memory, see if anything comes up." He presses some more buttons and the program starts up. A much more complex and detailed human brain appears on the screen and rotates. Eventually, Schechter sees a small distant light in the brain and zeroes in on it. "Okay, here it is. I don't know why it's off the map like that, but-"

* * *

**(Kitchen-Day)**  
    Gerard is being bathed in the oversized sink by his oversized mother. Frank sits in the water with him, laughing. The mother doesn't seem to see her. "Little baby getting awwwl cleean. Awl clean."  
    "I love getting bathed in the sink," Gerard says to Frank. "It's such a feeling of security."  
    "I've never seen you happier," Frank says, giggling.  
    The elements of the memory flash explosively away; Gerard's mother, his leperchaun doll, the details of the kitchen, Frank. Gerard is thrown into-

* * *

**(Car-Night)**  
    He sits with Frank in a parked car, outside a drive-in movie theater. The movie on the giant screen is partially obscured by a fence. Frank and Gerard are drinking wine.

* * *

**(Gerard's Bedroom-Night)**  
    Schechter looks up from the computer screen. "Okay, we're back in."  
    "That was beautiful to watch, Brian. Like a surgeon or a concert pianist," Mikey says dreamily.  
    "Well, thank you, Michael."  
    Ray sighs heavily. "You get some sleep, Brian. I'll take it from here."  
    "Yeah, probably a good idea."

* * *

**(Car-Night)**  
    Frank and Gerard laugh as they try to give voice to what the characters on the screen are saying.  
    "But can't you see... I love you, Antoine," Frank says.  
    "Don't call me Antoine. My name is Wally," Gerard adds.  
    "Yes, but I can't love a man named Wally." Frank counters. He starts to fade along with the memory. Gerard suddenly remembers their previous plan.  
    "They found us before. The plan didn't work. I don't know what to do now."  
    "Hide me somewhere deeper? Somewhere buried?" Frank suggests.  
    Gerard grabs him and they run off just as the memory decays into a husk behind them.

* * *

**(Gerard's Bedroom-Night)**  
    Ray is back at the controls. Schechter's at the door with Mikey.  
    "Brian, they've disappeared again," Ray shouts.  
    "Oh, dear."  
    "I'm so sorry, Brian, you must be tired," Mikey says with a sorry look on his face. Schechter nods distractedly. He smiles to himself as Brian heads back to the equipment.

* * *

**(Schoolyard-Afternoon)**  
    Gerard, now the size of a junior high school kid and dressed accordingly, is peering around the corner of the school building toward the bike rack. Frank is with him, dressed as he was in the parked car. "Look at you, cutey! What are we doing?"  
    "This kid, Matt Pelissier, is going to beat the shit out of me," Gerard says nervously.  
 _I'm terrified. I thought if I hung around the art room long enough, he'd go home and I could get my bike._  
    They head toward the bike rack. Gerard's is the only bike left.  
    "Poor Gee," Frank says, mainly to himself.  
    They're at the back rack and a bunch of kids, including giant, menacing Matt Pelissier comes around the corner. "Hi, Gina."  
    "He calls me Gina. Everyone calls me Gina after this," Gerard says sadly. The other kids laugh. "Shut up, Matt. I'm going home."  
    "I don't think so. We're fighting."  
    "I don't want to fight you," Gerard admits, his voice shaking.  
    The kids start chanting, "Fight, fight, fight." Matt throws a wild punch that hits Gerard in the side, causing him to fall. He stays down, covering himself.  
    "C'mon, Gina. Get up, faggot. C'mon," Matt taunts  
    Gerard doesn't say anything. He peeks humiliated at Frank. He's watching him. He's got a tear in his eye. He kneels down beside Gerard and puts an arm around him.  
    "I'm too scared to even throw a punch. When I tell people this story, I leave that part out," Gerard whispers.  
    The memory flashes violently to white and is gone.

* * *

**(Gerard's Bedroom-Night)**  
    Schechter is at the machine, working hard. "We got him back. Ray, I think I'm just going to have to get through this manually. We're running late."

* * *

**(Beach-Day)**  
    It's cold. Frank and Gerard walk, all bundled up. Frank points at a house up the beach. "Our house! Our house!" He runs ahead, laughing. The memory is decaying. Gerard chases after him.  
    "Frankie, c'mon, we've got to hide you. Remember?" He grabs Frank's arm and yanks and they're in-

* * *

**(Boy's Bedroom-Night)**  
    It's dark. Gerard, junior high school size, is in bed masturbating. Frank is in there, too, in his winter coat, still laughing from before. Soon enough, he realizes what's going on. "Gerard!" he says in mock offense  
    Gerard continues to masturbate. "I don't like it either, but I'm trying to find horrible secret places to-"  
    Gerard's mother pops her head in the door. "Gerard, I was just-Oh. Uhm... I'll ask you in the morning, honey. Have a good night." She backs out and closes the door.  
    Gerard cringes from embarrassment. Frank laughs, still in the mode of the memory he was wiped from.  
    Flash! It's all gone.

* * *

**(Restaurant-Night)**  
    Frank and Gerard are laughing as Frank blows out the candle on a slice of cheesecake in front of him. Gerard hands him a small wrapped box. "Happy birthday."      
    "Thanks, Gee," Frank says as he unwraps the present. "A present! Oh joy!" He pulls out a pair of gloves. It's the same pair Pete gave him. "Oh, Gerard. They're perfect!" he says as he pulls them on. "I mean, you're the first guy who ever bought me something I could honestly say that about."  
    Gerard notices that Frank is starting to fade. "I scoured the city for them."  
    "I love it!" Frank leans across the table to kiss his boyfriend. He grabs Frank and runs through the decaying memory and into the vague night.

* * *

**(Suburban Street-Day)**  
    Gerard is one of a group of five year olds. He holds a hammer and is posed to hit a dead bird in a red wagon. The other boys stand around goading him. "C'mon, Gerard, you have to! Do it already!"  
    Gerard doesn't want to do it. Frank watches from the sidelines. "I can't. I have to go home. I'll do it later," he argues.  
   _I didn't want to do this. But I had to or they would've called me a girl._  
    Gerard begins to miserably smash the bird repeatedly with the hammer. Red jelly guts over the hammer and the wagon bottom. The kids hoot and hollar in excitement.  
 _I can't believe I did that. I'm so ashamed._  
    A live bird watches from a tree. Frank, still dressed from his birthday dinner, pulls Gerard away from the other boys. The two of them walk down Gerard's suburban street. "It's okay. You were a little kid," Frank says, trying to calm Gerard down. "You know, this is a great birthday present. Getting to see you as a kid, I mean." Frank leans forward and kisses him before they continue to walk hand-in-hand.  
    "That's where I live. Lived," Gerard says, pointing to a house down the street. Gerard looks down at Frank's hand. It's fading.  
    Frank is gone. Gerard's childhood home is gone.

* * *

**(Gerard's Bedroom-Night)**  
    Schechter works the equipment. He's located a small area of light in the brain imaging and eradicates it. "I'm getting the hang of it. I still understand it. But I'm finding him quickly enough. I'm hopeful there won't be too much peripheral eradication."  
    "I like watching you work," Mikey says from the bed, giggling quietly.  
    Ray sighs and grabs his coat. "I'll go out for a smoke, if no one minds."  
    "That's fine, Ray," Schechter says, not bothering to look up.  
    Mikey doesn't say anything. Ray huffs and walks out the door without another word. Schechter continues to find and erase points of light. Mikey finally works up the courag to speak. "Do you like quotes, Brian?"  
    "How do you mean?"  
    "Oh, um, like famous quotes. I find reading them inspirational to me. And in my reading, I've come across some I thought you might like too."  
    "Oh. Well, I'd love to hear some," Schecter says, still not bothering to look anywhere but directly at his work.  
    Mikey is thrilled, beside himself. He tries to calm down so he doesn't look foolish. "Okay, um, there's one that goes 'Blessed are the forgetful, for they get the better even of their blunders.'"  
    "Is that Nietzsche?"  
    "Yeah, yeah it is, Brian. And here I was thinking I could tell you something you didn't know."      
    "It's a good quote, Mikey. I'm glad we both know it," Schechter says, smiling at him.  
    "There's another one I like, I read," Mikey sputters. "It's by Pope Alexander."  
    "Alexander Pope?"  
    "Yes, shit. Oops, sorry!" Mikey says, quickly putting his hand over his mouth. "Sorry. It's just... I told myself I wasn't going to say Pope Alexander and sound like a dope and then I go ahead and do it. It's like I psyched myself out."  
    "It's no big deal," Schecter says, shrugging it off.  
    "You're such a sweetheart." There's an embarrassed moment as that line hangs in the air. Mikey plunges ahead to bury it. "Anyway, the quote goes, 'How happy is the blameless Vestal's lot! The world is forgetting, by the world forgot: Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind! Each prayer accepted, and, each wish resign'd'" Mikey smiles when he finishes, proud and embarrassed.  
    "That's lovely," Schechter comments.  
    "Really? I thought it was appropriate maybe. That's all. I really admire the work that you do. I know it's not proper to be so familiar, but I guess since we're outside the workplace, I feel a certain liberty to--"  
    "It's fine, Mikey. I'm happy to hear it," Schechter interrupts.  
    "Okay. Good. Great. Thanks." Mikey pauses a moment, then blurts out; "I like you, Brian... an awful lot. Is that terrible?"  
    Schechter seems momentarily taken aback, then returns to his unflappable self. "You're a wonderful guy, Mikey."  
    Mikey smiles and leans over and kisses him before quickly pulling away. "I've loved you for a very long time. I'm sorry! I shouldn't have said that."  
    "I've got a wife, Mikey. Kids. You know that."  
    "I wish _I_ was your partner. I wish we had adopted the kids together," Mikey says, weepily.  
    Schechter comforts him with a hug, but it quickly turns into a kiss. "We can't do this, Mikey."  
    "No, you're right. Once again. You're a decent man, Brian." Schechter sadly smiles at him, earning a courageous smile from Mikey.  
    "I want you to know that it's not because I'm not interested. If that means anything," Schechter mumbles. They look at each other for a long while, then Schechter goes back to locating and eradicating blips of light.  
   


	15. Son, When You Grow Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When I was a young boy  
> My father took me into the city  
> To see a marching band  
> He said, "Son, when you grow up  
> Would you be the savior of the broken  
> The beaten and the damned??
> 
> He said, "Will you defeat them  
> Your demons and all the non-believers  
> The plans that they have made?  
> Because one day, I'll leave you  
> A phantom."
> 
> \---
> 
> And through it all, the rise and fall,  
> The bodies in the streets!  
> And when you're gone we want you all to know,
> 
> We'll carry on, we'll carry on!  
> And though you're dead and gone, believe me,  
> Your memory will carry on, we'll carry on!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This Week's Chapter Is Based On The Song- "Welcome To The Black Parade" by My Chemical Romance

Ray sits in the van and smokes a cigarette. He has an unobstructed view into Gerard's bedroom window. he watches Schechter and Mikey. They're talking at Schechter works. It appears to be a very serious discussion.

    Minutes later, a car pulls up outside. Ray turns to see a middle-aged woman getting out. She checks the address on Gerard's building, approaches the only lit window, and watches Schechter and Mikey inside.  
    Schechter's resolve has apparently weakened and he and Mikey kiss again. This time, it leads to groping, partial undressing, and falling onto the bed alongside the unconscious Gerard. The woman in the window is transfixed. As Schechter fumbles to unzip his pants, he catches sight of the woman in the window. He practically shrieks and jumps up.

 

* * *

**(Country Road-Day)**  
    Frank and Gerard are walking, hand-in-hand, they both look up simultaneously, apparently hearing something above them.  
(Gerard's Bedroom)  
    Mikey looks confusedly at Schechter. "What?" He follows Brian's eyes and sees the woman in the window, who turns and walks off in a huff. "Oh my God!"  
    Schechter is already in his coat as he hurries out the door.

 

* * *

The woman is at her car. Ray watches from the van as Schechter is hurrying to the woman. "Helena! Helena!"  
    "I knew it, Brian. I don't know why I bothered to copy the damn address!" Helena shouted.  
    "It didn't start out to be this! I came here to work. It's a one-time mistake!"  
    Mikey is right behind Brian now. "Mrs. Schechter, it's true. And it's not Mr. Schechter's fault. I'm a stupid little boy with a stupid little crush. I basically forced him into it. I swear."  
    Helena turns, looks at Mikey, then at Brian. "Don't be a monster, Brian. Tell the man."  
    Ray is out of the van now, listening. Mikey shivers in the cold as he hugs himself. There's a long silence before Mikey dares to speak. "Tell me what?"  
    Helena and Brian lock eyes. Mikey looks back and forth between then, searching for answers.  
    "Poor kid," Helena says as she starts her car. "You can have him. You did." With that, she drives off.  
    "What, Brian?"  
    "We... have a history. I'm sorry. You wanted the procedure. You want it done... to get past. I have to finish in there. It's almost morning. We'll talk later," Brian mumbles before shuffling inside.  
    Mikey stands there, unable to digest it all, struggling in vain to remember.  
    "Let me take you home," Ray says, trying to help.  
    Mikey shakes his head before walking off, dazed.

* * *

**(Charles River-Night)**  
    Frank and Pete lie on their backs on the frozen river and look up at the night sky.  
    "I could die right now, Frankie. I'm just happy. I've never felt that before. I'm just exactly where I want to be," Pete says, staring at Frank.  
    Frank looks over at him. Their eyes meet. "I want to go home," Frank mumbles quietly. He hurries towards the shore, slips on the the ice, gets up, and continues, now running.

* * *

**(Commuter Train-Night)**  
    Mikey, in shock, sits in the empty fluorescent car. He tries to look out the window, but can only see his own reflection.

* * *

**(Gerard's Bedroom-Night)**  
    It's deathly silent as Brian and Ray work on completing the job. Brian locates a light hidden very deep in the map of Gerard's brain. He targets it.

* * *

  **(Rowboat-Day)**  


    Gerard, the size of a ten year old, sits with his oversized father. Frank is naked and in the boat, too. He's reading The Play by Stephen Dixon. "I love this book, Gerard. Thank you so much for telling me about it!"  
    Gerard stares at his father. He's a little drunk and very sullen. He faces away from Gerard and looks out at the lake. "Don't be like me, son. Don't waste your life. You'll come to a point someday where it'll be too late. You'll be sewn into your fate."  
    "It was horrifying, seeing my father like that. There was no hope for me if his life was such a failure. And he saw failure in me, too, written in my future," Gerard says to Frank in a very monotone voice.  
    Frank watches the frightened, confused Gerard. "Gerard, you're not sewn in. He's wrong."  
    "There'll be nowhere to go except where you're headed, like a train on a track. Inevitable, unalterable." Gerard's father pauses and looks at him, suddenly getting very serious. "Son, when you grow up, will you be the savior of the broken, the beaten, and the damned?"  
    "Dad, I don't know if I-"  
    "Will you defeat them, your demons, and all the non-believers, the plans that they have made? Because one day, I'll leave you, I won't be here to hold your hand through it all."  
    Gerard started to cry, all of this being too much for him. "I don't think so, Dad. I'm not strong enough, if you can't do it, neither can I."

  
_I was right. I never grew up to be anything incredible. I'm weak. I've always been that way. That's why I'm doing this now. I'm not strong enough to even handle losing the person I loved._  

Without any warning, the memory pops out of existence with a flash of light.

 


	16. The Only Hope For Me Is You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remember me  
> Remember me  
> Remember me  
> Remember me  
> \---  
> If there's a place that I could be  
> Then I'd be another memory  
> Can I be the only hope for you?  
> Because you're the only hope for me  
> And if we can't find where we belong  
> We'll have to make it on our own  
> Face all the pain and take it on  
> Because the only hope for me is you alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This Week's Chapter Is Based On The Song- "The Only Hope For Me Is You" by My Chemical Romance  
> (Literally perfect for this story I just kjhfakfha)

  
**(Chinese Restaurant-Night)**  
    Gerard finds himself eating Chinese food and sitting across from Frank. He's very ragged and jarred. "I'm done, Frank. I'm just going to ride it out. Hiding is clearly not working." Frank only nods in agreement. "I want to enjoy my little time left with you."  
    "This is our first "date" date," Frank states.  
    "Do you remember what we talked about?"  
    "Bert, I guess. As always. What was I wearing?" Frank challenges, the corners of his mouth pulling upward slightly.  
    "God, I should know. Your hair was black and blonde. I remember it matched the wallpaper, it was black and gold."  
    "Jesus Christ, were you horrified?"  
    "No! I think you were wearing that red and white raglan with the giant 'F' on it," Gerard said, concentrating on remembering.  
    Frank is, in fact, wearing the shirt. "No, you were with me when I bought  that. At the place on East 6th. It was later!"

* * *

**(In A Store-Day)**  
    The memory has already been erased. It's just a decayed husk, a vague Gerard watches a faded Frank model a raglan with red sleeves.

* * *

**(Chinese Restaurant-Night)**  
    Frank is wearing a white button-up with a red tie now.  
    "Right. It was something with red and white, though," Gerard argues.  
    "I'll buy that. Red's always good."  
    "We did talk about Bert."  
    "I said; are you sure? You seem unsure."  
    "I'm sure, I said," Gerard stated, remembering how their conversation had went.  
    "But you weren't. I could tell," Frank said, shaking his head in disapproval.  
    "I was so nervous. I remember I couldn't think of anything to say. There were so many awkward silences." There's a long silence between them. "I thought I was foolish. I thought I'd mistaken infatuation for love. You said-"  
    "So what? Infatuation is good, too," Frank says, reiterating his words from long ago.  
    "And I didn't have an argument."

* * *

**(Car-Night)**  
    Frank and Gerard pull up to Frank's house. "I dropped you off after. You said-"  
    "Come up and see me... now," Frank demands.  
    "It's very late."  
    "Yes, exactly my point."

* * *

**(Frank's Apartment-Night)**  
    Frank and Gerard are in the midst of awkward, shy sex. "This was our first time," Gerard says, shaking his head at himself.  
    The memory starts to fade and Gerard watches Frank disappear, knowing there's nothing he can do to stop it.

* * *

**(Lacuna Reception Area-Night)**  
    Mikey enters the dark room, frazzled. He flips on the fluorescent lights and searches for file folders. He eventually finds one with his name on it, causing his jaw to drop. With a shaky hand, he puts the tape into the player on his desk and presses 'play.'  
    "Okay, so just tell me what you remember and we'll take it from there," Schechter's voice says.  
    "Um, I liked you immediately. At the job interview. You seemed so... important and mature. And I loved that you were helping all these people," Mikey's voice says shakily. "You didn't come on to me at all. I liked that. I was so tongue-tied around you at first. I wanted you to think I was smart. You were so nice. I loved the way you smelled. I couldn't wait to come to work. I had these fantasies of us being married and living together and just-" Mikey starts to cry on the recording. "-And so... then... when... that one day, when I thought you looked at me back... like... Oh, Brian, I can't do this. How can I do this?"  
    "It's what's best, Mikey. You know that."  
    Mikey slumps to the floor as he listens to the tape.  
    "Yeah, I know. Oh, God. Okay, well, I was so excited... Remember you bought me that little wind-up frog? You said, 'This is for you desk. Just a little token.' I knew then... I knew something was going to happen... something wonderful."

* * *

**(Gerard's Apartment-Night-Memory)**  
    Gerard sits in the quiet living room. The memory is fading around him "Bert," he mumbles to himself.  
 _On the couch. Dark. Quiet. I wondered if I had made a terrible mistake, I almost reached for the phone about a thousand times. I thought I could take it back, erase it, explain why I had momentarily lost my mind. Then I told myself we weren't happy. That was the truth. That what we were was safe. It was unfair to you and to me to stay in a relationship for that reason. I thought about Frank and the spark when I was with him, but then I thought what you and I had was real and adult and therefore significant, even if it wasn't much fun. But I wanted fun. I saw other people having fun and I wanted it. Then I thought fun is a lie, that no one is really having fun. I'm being suckered by advertising and movie bullshit... then I thought, maybe not. And then I thought, as I always do at this point in my argument, about dying. I projected myself to the end of my life in some vague rendition of my old man self. I imagined looking back with a tremendous hole of regret in my heart. I didn't pick up the phone to call you, Bert. I never picked it up after that._  


* * *

**(Gerard's Apartment-Day)**  
    Bert is red-eyed from crying. He's packing his things in boxes. Gerard keeps pacing, stealing glances at him, unsure of what to say.  
    Bert holds up a book. "Yours?"  
    "You take it. I don't know," Gerard shrugs. Bert throws the book in a box and continues packing. "Bert, I really value our friendship. I hope it's possible for us to stay in touch."  
    "Don't do this to me now, Gerard. Really," Bert sighs.

* * *

Gerard watches out the window as Bert stuffs a final box in the trunk of his car. There's another guy down there with him. They get into the car and drive off.

* * *

**(Guitar Center-Night)**  
    Gerard is talking to Gerard as the memory is fogging over. "I told him today I need to end it."  
    "Is that what you want?"  
    "I did it. I guess that means something."  
    Frank shrugs and the memory fades.

* * *

**(Park-Day)**  
    Gerard is walking with Bert on the sidewalk, hands awkwardly shoved in his pockets.  
    "So, what's going on, Gerard?"  
    "I don't know. I've just been thinking. Maybe we're not happy with each other," Gerard mumbles.  
    "What?"  
    "Y'know, we've been, I don't know, sort of, unhappy with each other and-"  
    "Don't say 'we' then you mean you," Bert snaps.  
    "I think maybe, we're both so used to operating at this level that... How can one person be unhappy? If one person is unhappy, both have to be... by definition."  
    "Bullshit. Who is it? You met someone."  
    "No! I just need some space, maybe," Gerard murmurs.  
    "The thing is, Gerard, whatever it is you think you have with this guy, once the thrill wears off, you're just going to be Gerard with the same fucking problems," Bert spits out.  
 _It's not somebody else. I hate myself._  
    Bert walks off, Gerard watching him with a depressed look.

* * *

**(Guitar Center-Night)**  
    Gerard enters the store and looks around. There's no sign of Frank anywhere. He goes to the first male employee he sees. "Is there a Frank who works here?"  
    "Ryan, is Frank on tonight?" the employee calls towards the back room.  
    "On my dick, bro." Ryan turns, sees Gerard, and becomes visibly embarrassed. "Oh, hey. Yeah, I think he's upstairs in amps."

  


* * *

Gerard climbs stairs, searches the aisles, and finally spots Frank. "Hi."  
    Frank turns, a bunch of cords in his hands. "I didn't think you'd show your face around me again. I figured you were humiliated. You did run away, after all."  
    "Sorry to track you down like this. I'm not a stalker, but I needed to see you," Gerard explains.  
    "Yeah?" Frank asks, seemingly uninterested.  
    "I'd like to... take you out or something."  
    "Well, you're married."  
    "Not yet. Not married."  
    "Look, man, I'm telling you right off the bat, I'm high mantinance. So, I'm not going to tiptoe around your marriage or whatever it is you got going there. If you want to be with me, you're with me," Frank declares.  
    "Okay," Gerard says, nodding in understanding.  
    "So, make your domestic decisions and maybe we'll talk again." Frank goes back to hanging cords, leaving Gerard standing there helplessly.  
    "I just think that you have some kind of... quality that seems really important to me."  
    The memory is disintegrating. Frank's speech is delivered without passion. "Gerard, I'm not a concept. I want you to just keep that in your head. Too many guys think I'm a concept or I complete them or I'm going to make them alive, but I'm just a fucked-up guy who is looking for my own peace of mind. Don't assign me yours."  
    "I remember that speech really well," Gerard says, trying to hide a smile.  
    "I had you pegged, didn't I?" Frank smirks.  
    "You had the whole human race pegged."  
    "Probably," Frank admits.  
    "I still thought you were going to save me. Even after that."  
    "I know."  
    "It would be different if we could just give it another go around."  
    "Remember me. Try your best. Maybe we can," Frank whispers as the memory fades to blackness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this story is super confusing, so if anyone has any questions on what's going on, feel free to ask. We're nearing the end, so it's better to clear up any confusions now!


	17. Just Know That I Will Remember You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When you go, just know that I will remember you.  
> If living was the hardest part, we'll then one day be together.  
> And in the end we'll fall apart, just like the leaves change in colors.  
> And then I will be with you!  
> I will be there one last time now!
> 
> When you go, just know that I will remember you!
> 
> I lost my fear of falling.  
> I will be with you!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This Week's Chapter Is Based On The Song- "It's Not A Fashion Statement, It's A Fucking Deathwish by My Chemical Romance

  
**(Bob And LynZ's Car)**  
    Gerard sits forlornly in the back seat. Bob drives and LynZ sits in the front passenger seat. The car stops in front of Gerard's apartment building. "Thanks, guys," he mumbles.  
    "I hope you feel better, sweetie," LynZ says, turning in her seat to look at her friend.  
    "Yeah," Gerard sighs as he gets out of the car.  
    "Say hi to Bert for me, okay?"  
    Gerard doesn't answer as he shuts the car door.

  


* * *

Gerard climbs the stairs to his apartment, sighing heavily as he reaches the top.  
 _I hope he's not up. I need to think._  


  


* * *

The lights are off as Gerard sits on a chair near the window, writing in his journal. The streetlight illuminates the paper. Bert is sleeping in the best next to him.  
 _I met someone tonight at a party on the beach. His name is Frank. There's something alive about him._  
    Suddenly, Bert turns and blinks his eyes awake. "Hi," he mumbles, full of sleep.  
    "Hi."  
    "How was it?"  
    "You didn't miss much. Bob and LynZ say hello," Gerard says, delivering the message.  
    "Hi, Bob and LynZ."  
    "Go back to sleep," Gerard sighs.  
    "Yeah, okay. Come to bed. I'm cold," Bert whines.  
    "In a minute."  
    With that, Bert turns over and Gerard goes back to his writing.  
 _I don't know what to do about this. I've been feeling so alienated and numb lately. Forever. The thought of not acknowledging my feelings again seems self-destructive. How can I continue on this path towards a living death, a life filled with obligation and guilt and responsibility but joyless, hopeless? I need to talk to Frank again._  


  


* * *

Gerard is at his closet, putting on a hoodie. Bert is at the dining room table, papers spread out before him, writing. Gerard turns and watches him for a moment. "So, you don't mind?"  
    "I've got to finish this chapter anyway," Bert says, shrugging.  
    The memory is turning darker as it starts to fade.  
    "Okay. I wish you could come, though."  
 _This is it. The night we met. My God, it's over._  
    "Me, too," Bert mumbles. Gerard approaches Bert and kisses him on the top of his head. "Say hi to Bob and LynZ. Have some fun!"  
    "I hope you get your work done," Gerard shouts as he heads out the front door.

* * *

**(Bob And LynZ's Car-Night)**  
    Bob is driving as LynZ fiddles with the radio dial in the front seat. Gerard is sitting in the back seat, his head smushed against the window. "I'm sorry Bert couldn't make it. You okay? You seem quiet," LynZ asks, her voice full of concern.  
    "Just a little overworked, maybe."  
 _The trip to the party where I met Frank. My first memory of him is now my last._  
    Gerard looks out the window, not in the mood to converse any further. LynZ turns around and says something to Gerard, but he doesn't hear it.  
 _I remember you turned around. Your face was dark and your hair was backlit. I could see a halo of black frizz. You asked me if things were okay between Bert and me._  
    "I did. You said things were fine," LynZ agrees.  
    "I remember."  
    "This is the night you met Frank, Gerard. I remember watching you walk down the beach with him and I thought; 'Oh shit.'"  
    "Yeah, you told me that later." Gerard looks out the window yet again, seeing the husk of a memory on the darkened roadside; it's Gerard and LynZ in her kitchen.  
    The memory is faded as they sit at the table, sipping coffee.  
    "Who was the guy you walked off with?" LynZ asks.  
    "No one," Gerard mumbles, blowing it off.

* * *

**(Beach Parking Lot-Night)**  
    Bob, LynZ, and Gerard emerge from the car, parked amidst a cluster of cars in an otherwise empty parking lot. Gerard watches his shoes in the sand as he trudges along, following behind his friends. "Is this the right way?" LynZ asks, unsure of herself.

  


* * *

Minutes later, they all step out of the brush and see a bonfire down the beach with lots of people and loud music playing.

  


* * *

Later on, Gerard sits on a log, a paper plate of chicken and corn on his lap. People warm themselves at the fire. Gerard grimaces as he watches couples talking, kissing. He sees Bob sharing a joint with a guy near the back.  
 _You were down by the surf. I could just make you out in the dark._  
    Gerard looks down to the water, spotting Frank in his red hoodie, looking out to sea.  
 _Your back to me. In that red hoodie I would come to know so well and even hate eventually. At the time I thought, how cool, a red hoodie. I remember being drawn to you even then. I thought, how odd, I'm drawn to someone's back. I thought, I love this man because he's alone down there, looking out at the black ocean. But I went back to my food. The next thing I remember, I felt someone sitting next to me and I saw the red sleeve out of the corner of my eye._  
    "Hi there," Frank says, smiling.  
    "Hi," Gerard mumbles, staring down at his lap.  
 _I was so nervous. What were you doing there, I wondered. Your hair was bright orange/blonde. Yellow Fever. You said..._  
    "I saw you sitting over here... by yourself. I thought, thank God, someone normal, who doesn't know how to interact at these things either."  
    "Yeah, I don't ever know what to say," Gerard admits.  
    "I can't tell you how happy I am to hear that. I mean, I don't mean I'm happy you're uncomfortable, but y'know... I'm such a loser. Every time I come to a party I tell myself I'm going to be different and it's always exactly the same and then I hate myself after for being such a clod," Frank rambles.  
 _Even then, I didn't believe you entirely. I thought, how could you be talking to be if you couldn't talk to people?_  
    "But, I don't know, maybe we're the normal ones, y'know? I mean, what kind of people do well at this stuff?" Frank finishes, slightly out of breath.  
 _But I thought, I don't know, I thought it was cool that you were sensitive enough to know what I was feeling and that you were attracted to it. And I liked you so much._  
    "You did? You liked me?"  
    "You know I did," Gerard mutters.  
    "Yeah, I know. I'm fishing."  
    "You said-"  
    Frank picks a drumstick off of Gerard's plate. "I'm Frank. Can I borrow a piece of your chicken?"  
 _And you picked it off of my plate before I could answer and it felt so intimate, like we were already lovers. I remember the grease on your chin in the bonfire light._  
    "Oh, God, how horrid," Frank laughs.  
    "I'm Gerard," Frank says, introducing himself.  
 _No, it was lovely._  
    "Hi, Gerard. So, no jokes about my height?"  
    "You mean like; short stuff, midget, leperchaun?"  
    "Yeah, like that," Frank says, laughing.  
    "Nope. No jokes. My favorite thing when I was a kid was my stuffed leperchaun. I think your height is magic."  
    "This is it, Gerard. It's gonna be gone soon," Frank says, his eyes welling with tears.  
    "I know," Gerard says, shaking his head.  
    "What do we do?"  
    "Enjoy it. Say goodbye."  
    Frank nods and wipes the tears from his eyes.

  


* * *

Frank and Gerard are walking near the surf, hand-in-hand. "So, you're still on the Zoloft?"  
   _Next thing I remember, we were walking down near the surf._  
    "No, I stopped. I didn't want to feel like I was being artificially modulated," Frank explains.  
    "I know what you mean. That's why I stopped."  
    "But my sleeping is really fucked up."  
    "I don't think I've slept in a year," Gerard jokes.  
    "You should try Xanax. I mean, it's a Chemical and all, but it works... and it works just having it around, knowing that it's there. Like insurance."  
    "Yeah?"  
    "I'll give you a couple. See what you think?" Frank offers.  
    "Yeah. Thanks."      
    "Have you ever read any Anna Akhmatova?"  
    "I love her," Gerard exclaims.  
    "Really? Me, too! I don't meet people who even know who is is and I practically live in the library."  
    "I think she's great."  
    "Me too. there's this poem-"  
    "Did this conversation come before or after we saw the house?"  
    "I think, before."  
    "Seems too coincidental that way," Gerard doubts.  
    "Yeah, maybe," Frank agrees. They wander near some beach houses closed for the winter. "Do you know her poem that starts 'seaside gusts of wind, and a house in which we don't live-'"  
    "Yeah, yeah. It goes; 'Perhaps there is someone in this world to whom I could send all these lines'?"  
    "Yes!" Frank says ecstatically. "I love that poem! It breaks my heart. I'm so excited you know it." Frank pauses and points to the houses. "Look, houses in which we don't live." Gerard chuckles appreciatively. "I wish we did. You married?"  
    "Um, no," Gerard mumbles.  
    "Let's move into his neighborhood," Frank says as he tries one of the doors on a darkened house.  
    "I do sort of live with somebody though," Geard says nervously.  
    "Oh." Frank walks to the next house and tries the door. "Male or female? Male. At least I haven't been barking up the wrong tree." Frank finds a window that's unlatched and he lifts it. "Cool!"  
    "What are you doing?"  
    "It's freezing out here," Frank says as he scrambles in the window.  
    Gerard looks around, panicked. "Frank," he whispers.  
 _I couldn't believe you did that. I was paralyzed with fear._  
    Suddenly, the front door opens and Frank stands there beckoning. "C'mon, man. The water's fine! Nobody's coming here tonight, believe me. This place is closed up. Electricity's off."  
 _I hesitated for what seemed like forever._  
    "I could see you wanted to come in, Gerard."  
    Gerard walks cautiously towards the door.  
    "As soon as you walked in, I know I had you. You knew I knew that, right?" Frank asks.  
    Gerard enters the darkened house and Frank closes the door behind him. "I knew."  
    "I knew by your nervousness that Bert wasn't the kind of guy who forced you to criminally trespass."  
    "It's dark," Gerard comments.  
    "Yeah. What's your boyfriend's name?"  
    "Bert."  
    Frank searches through drawers for something. He finally pulls out a flashlight, shining it in Gerard's face. "Ah-ha! Now I can look for candles, matches, and the liquor cabinet."  
    "I think we should go," Gerard says, inching towards the door.  
    "No, it's our house! Just tonight," Frank looks at an envelope on the counter. "We're David and Ruth Laskin. Which one do you want to be? I prefer to be David, but I'm flexible." Frank goes to a random cabinet and opens it. "Alcohol! You make drinks. I'm going to find the bedroom and slip into something more 'David.' I'm ruthless at the moment," Frank giggles as he runs up the stairs.  
    The room is dying out, turning into a husk.  
    "I really should go. I really need to catch my ride," Gerard calls after Frank.  
   _I didn't want to go. I was too nervous. I thought, maybe you were a nut. But you were exciting. You called from upstairs-_  
    "So go!"  
 _I did. I walked out the door. I felt like I was a scared little kid. I thought you knew that about me. I ran back to the bonfire, trying to outrun my humiliation. You said, 'so go,' with such disdain._  
    Frank pokes his head downstairs. "What if you stay this time?"  
    "I walked out the door. There's no memory," Gerard explains.  
    "Come back and make up a goodbye at least. Let's pretend we had one," Frank says, coming down the stairs, vague and robotic, making his way through the decaying environment. "Bye, Gee."  
    "I love you," Gerard mumbles.  
    Frank smiles and rests his hand on his cheek before kissing Gerard, gentle, yet meaningful, full of emotion. "I lo-"  
    The memory crashes around them and fades, disappearing forever.

* * *

**(Beach-Night)**  
    Gerard finds himself hurrying back to the bonfire. This memory, too, is disintegrating. It dries up and Gerard is just standing there on a faded beach at night, the bonfire frozen in the distance like a photograph.

* * *

**(Car-Night)**  
    Gerard sits in the back seat, Bob and LynZ are in the front. "Did you have fun?" LynZ asks.  
    Gerard nods glumly.  
    LynZ continues to talk, but her voice goes under as Gerard studies the fades husks of memories, piled up like refuse outside the moving car window. He sees dried-out versions of previous interactions with Frank playing out in loops. He looks back and sees the memory of his ride home from the beach with Bob and LynZ. It, too, is decaying. Soon, everything is crumbled into dust. Everything goes black. It's all over. Frank is gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly hate myself for writing this. My heart died a little bit. Review please! All that's left is some aftermath and...a few surprises.


	18. I Was Dreaming Of The Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I was dreaming of the past,  
> And my heart was beating fast.  
> I began to lose control,  
> I began to lose control.  
> I didn't mean to hurt you.  
> I'm sorry that I made you cry.  
> Oh no, I didn't mean to hurt you.  
> I'm just a jealous guy.
> 
> I was feeling insecure, you might not love me anymore.  
> I was shivering inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This Week's Chapter Is Based On The Song- "Jealous Guy" by John Lennon

  
**(Gerard's Room-Early Morning)**  
    Schechter watches the monitor. The last specks of light are fading. It grows dark. He's tired, his eyes are hollow. He turns to Ray, who is staring out the window at the dawn. "Okay."  
    Ray turns and wordlessly begins the clean-up. He pulls the electrodes off of Gerard's scalp, coils cables, packs bags. Brian dials the bedside phone and waits and it rings.  
 _"Hi, you've reached the Schechters. We can't come to-"_  
    Brian hang up.

  


* * *

Ray and Brian load the last of the equipment into the back of the van. They look at each other. "So, I've got to drop the van off," Ray mutters.  
    "Thanks, Ray. Thanks."

* * *

**(Pete's Car-Early Morning)**  
    Pete and Frank and heading home from Boston. Frank is silent and depressed. Pete tries to break the silence. "You want to stop for coffee or something?" Frank shakes his head 'no.' "Well, it was sure beautiful on that river. Thanks for sharing it with me." Frank doesn't say anything. Silence. "We'll do it again soon," Pete concludes.

* * *

**(Parking Structure-Early Morning)**  
    Ray pulls the van into a space marked "Lacuna," and gets out. He crosses to his car and finds Mikey sitting on the hood. "Hey."  
    "Do you swear you didn't know?" Mikey asks.  
    "I swear."  
    "And you never even suspected? Never saw us behaving in any unusual way together?"  
    "Once, maybe," Ray admits. Mikey watches him closely, waiting for him to continue. "It was here. At his car. I was coming back from a job and spotted you together. You seemed caught. I waved. You giggled."  
    "How did I look?" Mikey asks, staring at his lap.  
    "Happy. Happy...with a secret."  
    Mikey starts to cry, but does his best to hide it. "And after that?"  
    "I never saw you together like that again. So I figured I was imagining things." Mikey remains silent. "I really like you, Mikey. You know that."  
    "Do you remember anything else? What I was wearing? Was I standing close to him? Was I leaning against his car like I owned it? How did he look at me when I giggled? Tell me everything," Mikey begs.  
    "You were in yellow. That yellow shirt with the black stripes on it, I think. You were leaning against his car." Ray pauses, thinks for a minute. "He looked a little like a kid. Kind of goofy and wide-eyed. I'd never seen him look like that before. Happy. You looked beautiful. You looked in love."  
    Mikey nods and heads towards the elevator. "Thanks, Ray." He stops, but doesn't turn to face him. "You're nice, but I love him. I _knew_ I loved him. Now I know." Ray nods as Mikey waves and walks onto the elevator.

* * *

**(Gerard's Bedroom-Morning)**  
    Gerard awakens. The apartment is neat, like when he went to sleep. He gets out of bed and heads to the bathroom, his head foggy.

* * *

**(Commuter Train Station-Morning)**  
    Gerard waits on the crowded platform. The platform across the tracks is empty. When Gerard's train arrives, it's packed. He squeezes on with all the other commuters.

* * *

**(Office-Day)**  
    Gerard works in his cubicle over the light table. He seems distracted. He dials his phone. He's nervous. "Hi... Bert? Yeah, hi! How are you? I know, I know. It's been a long time. Not too much. You? Oh, that's great! Congratulations! Maybe I could buy you dinner to celebrate? Tonight? I'm free. Okay, good!"

* * *

**(Lacuna Reception Area-Day)**  
    Mikey does paperwork at his desk. He looks through his reception window at the sad people waiting in the lobby with their bags of stuff.

* * *

**(Schechter's Office)**  
    Schechter dials his phone and waits. He hangs up. Mikey enters with the paper. "I need this signed, Brian." He takes it, unable to make eye contact, signs it, and hands it back. "Thanks. So, do we talk about this... or what?"  
    "I don't know what I'm supposed to say, Mikey. I want to do the right thing here."  
    "Do you love me? Did you love me? Something. I listened to my tape. I can't believe I've been sitting right in front of it for a year. It's like listening to someone else's story. I mean, I hear myself talking about having sex with you and I can't even imagine you naked. I can't even say 'naked,' to you!"  
    "I have a family, Mikey."  
    "You made me have you erased! I loved you. I love you! How could you-"  
    "I didn't make you. You thought it best. But, look, I take full responsibility."  
    Mikey looks at him for a long while, then, out of frustration, he screams.

* * *

**(Restaurant-Night)**  
    Gerard sits across from Bert. "So, you haven't been involved with anyone in all this time?" Bert asks, oddly cautious.  
    "It's been a pretty lonely couple of years," Gerard says with a shrug.  
    "I'm sorry."  
    "Well, it was my fault, the break-up. I'm sorry."  
    "Oh, Gee. It really does cut both ways. We were taking each other for granted and-"  
    "I miss you."  
    "Miss you, too." There's an awkward pause. "I've been seeing someone for a little while," Bert admits.  
    "Oh! Great. That's great!"  
    "A religion instructor at Columbia. A good guy. He's a good guy."  
    "I'm sorry. I really shouldn't have-"  
    "I'm glad you called," Bert interrupts.

* * *

**(Gerard's Bedroom-Night)**  
    Gerard and Bert and in bed, having sex. There are certain sexual routines, habits, they have fallen back into almost immediately. Bert sticks his tongue in Gerard's ear in a way that's trying to be sexual, but it just feels embarrassing. They finish and lie there, staring at the ceiling. "So, you think the dissertation will get published?"  
    "I don't know. I'm not sure there's a big public demand for books on Calvinism and Misogyny," Bert says with a sigh.

* * *

**(Frank's Apartment-Night)**  
    Frank lies in bed with Pete, staring at the ceiling, a look of regret on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only Two more chapters after this, but one is rather long, and the other is the epilogue!


	19. Memories Lose Their Meaning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But of all these friends and lovers,  
> There is no one compares with you.  
> And these memories lose their meaning.  
> When I think of love as something new.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This Week's Chapter Is Based On The Song- "In My Life" by The Beatles

  
**(Commuter Train Station-Morning)**  
    The platform is crowded with business commuters, Gerard among them. The platform across the tracks is empty. Suddenly, Gerard turns and makes his way through the crowd. He climbs the stairs, crosses the overpass, and makes his way to the empty platform.  
    An almost empty train pulls in front of Gerard. He gets on and watches the business commuters through the dirty window as his train pulls out of the station.

* * *

**(Mikey's Apartment-Morning)**  
    Mikey gets out of bed, his eyes red and puffy from crying all night. He's a wreck. He puts on some coffee and crosses into the living room. There are piles of the files from Lacuna spread about the room. He pulls the top one out, copies the name and address onto an envelope, and stuff the file and tape cassette in. He pulls another file out. This one has Gerard's name on it. He copies it onto an envelope.

* * *

**(Frank's Apartment-Another Night)**  
    Frank says goodbye to Gerard reluctantly. "So, you'll call me, right?"  
    "Yeah," Gerard says, shuffling his feet.  
    "When?"  
    "Tomorrow?"  
    "Tonight. Just to test out the phone lines."  
    "Alright then," Gerard mumbles before heading out the door.

* * *

**(Gerard's Apartment-Night)**  
    Gerard enters, drops his coat on a chair, and dials the phone. "Hi, Bert? It's Gerard."  
     _"Hi"_  
    "How's it going?"  
 _"Good. I call you at work today. They said you were home sick."_  
    "I know. I had to take the day to think."  
 _"Yeah, I tried you at home. Did you get my message?"_  
    "I just got in," Gerard explains.  
 _"Long day thinking."_  
    Gerard flips on his message machine with the volume low, letting it play. "Yeah, I suppose so."  
 ** _"Hi. They told me you were sick! So... where are you? I had a really nice time last night. Just wanted to say hi. So...hi. Call me. I'm home. Call me!,"_** the message plays.  
 _"That's me."_  
    "There you are," Gerard affirms. "Bert, it's just... I'm afraid if we fall back into this fast without considering the problems we had-"  
   _"Okay, Gerard. I suppose you're right."_  
    "I had a good time last night. I really did."  
 _"So, I'm going to get some sleep. I'm glad you're okay."_  
    "We'll talk soon."  
 _"Night!"_  
    Bert hangs up and Gerard stands there for a minute, feeling creepy. He finally gives in and dials the number on a piece of paper.  
 _"What took you so long?"_ Frank's voice asks on the other end of the line.  
    "I just walked in," Gerard says, smiling.  
     _"Oh, really? Ya miss me?"_  
"Actually, I do." Gerard lays down to get more comfortable.  
      
   _"Good. Tomorrow night we're going to the Charles River."_ Frank states like its already set plans.

    "I'm not so sure if-" is all Gerard gets out before he hears the dial tone. Frank hung on up him. He sighs, sets down the phone, and goes to sleep without another thought.

* * *

**(Charles River-Night)**

"Come ON, you wuss! It's safe! I promise," Frank says as he reaches for Gerard's hand.

"I don't know, man. What if the ice breaks and we fall through?"

"That won't happen, and if it did, you can say you died doing something fun."

Gerard takes Frank's hand and slowly steps onto the frozen river. It's so slippery that he's afraid he's going to fall, but Frank has a tight grip on him.

"Whoa, it's gorgeous out here," Gerard exclaims as he takes in the vastness of the frozen river and all of the surrounding trees.

"Isn't it? I told you!" Frank lets go of Gerard's hand and runs onto the ice before falling flat on his ass.

"Holy shit, are you okay?" Gerard asks while cautiously making his way towards Frank. "I think I should go back," he says nervously, looking back at the shore.  
    "Gerard, come here. Please."  
    He hesitates, then carefully closes the distance between them. Frank reaches for his hand and gently pulls his down. Gerard lies on his back beside him, their bodies touching. He wants to turn to Frank, but out of shyness, he doesn't. They look up at the stars. Frank smiles and doesn't say anything as he snuggles closer to Gerard.  
    "Listen, did you want to make love," Gerard asks.  
    "Make love?"  
    "Have sex. Y'know-"  
    "Oh, um..."  
    "Because I'm not drunk enough or stoned enough to make that happen right now."  
    "That's okay. I-"  
    "I'm sorry. I just wanted to say that. This seems like the perfect romantic exotic place to do it and-"  
    "Hey, Gerard?"  
    "-and I'm too nervous around you right now."  
    "I'm nervous too," Frank admits.  
    "Yeah? I wouldn't have thought that."  
    "Well, you obviously don't know me."  
    "I'm nervous because I have an enormous crush on you," Gerard says.  
    Frank smiles up at the sky. "Show me which constellations you know."

* * *

**(Random People)**  
    Every Lacuna customer wakes up and goes to their mailboxes throughout the day, finding manila envelopes. One by one, they open them and pull out tapes. They all sit stunned, confused, disbelieving as they listen to themselves on the recordings.

* * *

**(Frank's Apartment-Day)**  
    Gerard drops Frank off and kisses him goodbye before driving home.

* * *

**(Gerard's Apartment-A Few Minutes Later)**  
    Gerard enters with his mail, opening a manila envelope, reading the enclosed files before sticking the cassette tape in his stereo. He listens for a few minutes in stunned silence before dialing the phone. "Did you send this? Is it a joke?"  
 _"I probably got the same thing as you,"_ Frank says.  
    "I mean, I haven't even told anyone I've met you. Who would even know to do this?"  
 _"Maybe it's true then. It's my voice on the tape."_  
    "That's what you have to say? How could it be true? I've never even heard of any procedures like this. It's a joke!"  
 _"Maybe. Call someone who'd know,"_ Frank suggests.

* * *

**(Bob And LynZ's Kitchen-Day)**  
    LynZ is on the phone. She pauses nervously. "Yes, Gerard. It's true. We weren't supposed to say anything. They say it's like waking a sleepwalker."

* * *

**(Gerard's Apartment)**  
    Gerard hangs up and dials the phone yet again. "It's true."  
 _"I know. I spoke to my friend Jamia."_  
    "Look, I have to go. I have to think," Gerard says, immersed in the several page long document.  
 _"Gerard, we've fucked. We've made love. Like a million times. And we were so sweet and shy and inept with each other last night. Isn't that lovely?"_  
    Gerard doesn't know what to say as this registers. He just stands there dumbly.  
 _"Come over here, sweetheart. Please."_  


* * *

**(Frank's Apartment-Later)**  
    Frank and Gerard review their separate Lacuna packets together. "Says you were closed off, non-communicative, never told me what you were feeling," Frank reads.  
    "Says you were a bully..."  
    "A bully? Moi?" Frank says, laughing.  
    "That's what it says. You drank too much, you picked on me for being passive and timid."  
    "Well, sounds like me. Sorry, man." Frank reads some more, his brow furrowing. "Says you were jealous and suspicious."  
    "Says you would sometimes disappear all night, then brag to me about your sexual conquests."  
    "Did I use the term 'sexual conquets' or is that your way of putting it?"  
    "I don't know."  
    "Doesn't sound like me," Frank shrugs. "Says you were a slob, leaving trails of underwear and dirty socks in your wake."  
    "Says you were constantly calling me a slob," Gerard laughs.  
    "It's sexy. We were like a married couple, griping and overly-familiar and bored. Don't you think?"  
    "I sort of do," Gerard says, considering. "But I only see it as a fantasy version of reality. Cleaned up enough to be erotic."  
    "We should have sex. It's old hat for us," Frank suggests, smiling nervously at Gerard. "You know my body like the back of your hand," he continues as he unbuttons his shirt. "Every curve, every tattoo."  
    He takes his shirt off and Gerard stares, he's clearly never seen this body before. "You're so beautiful." Frank approaches Gerard and kisses him deeply, wrapping his arms around the other male's neck for the first time.

* * *

**(Lacuna Waiting Room-Morning)**  
    Ray enters the waiting room, now crowded with people holding their files, all looking stunned. There's a new woman in the reception window. The file cases behind her are bare. "May I help you?" the new receptionist asks.  
    "I work here. I used to work here. Ray. Please just tell Brian I'm here to clean out my desk."  
    "Mr. Schechter, Ray is here to--Yes, sir," she says into the phone. "He says he needs to see you."

* * *

**(Schechter's Office)**  
    Ray walks in, seeing Schechter pale and pacing the floor. "He should not have done this, Ray. As mad as he was... as justifiably-"  
    "I don't know what you're talking about, Brian."  
    "Mikey has stolen our files and is sending them back to people."  
    "Jesus," Ray says, stunned.  
    Schechter turns up the volume on a small video monitor looking in on the back, where Pete has clearly taken over Ray's position. He's in the process of interviewing a sad young woman. "...so I called everybody I know and asked them to tell me everything. Now I know my entire history with him, but it's in the form of a study. I'm losing my mind."  
    "This is why people must never be told. It's like waking a-"  
    "I don't know what to do. I've been assigned a reason," the woman continues.  
    "This never should've happened, ma'am. We'll take care of it," Pete assures.  
    "I know you don't like me much, Ray, but please talk to Mikey. He of all people should know this is a dangerous thing he's doing," Schechter pleads.

* * *

**(Office-Day)**  
    Gerard works over his light box as his phone rings. "Hi, it's Gerard," he greets.  
  _"Hey, lover. Watcha doing?"_  
    "I'm just, y'know, passing the time best I can till I can see you."  
 _"God, I can't believe I ever hated you."_  
    "You must've been crazy.  
 _"Guess what I'm wearing."_  
    "I don't know. Boxers and-"  
     _"Your dried cum."_  
    "Jesus," Gerard says in disgust.  
 _"You're still excited, my irreverence. You haven't yet started to think of it as my gratuitous need to shock."_  
    "I can't stop thinking about you."  
 _"Me, too. Meet me after work by the old mill."_  
    "What old mill? Is that somewhere we-"  
     _"I just wanted to say that. Come by my house."_  


* * *

**(Mikey's Apartment-Day)**  
    Mikey opens the door and sees Ray standing there with two cups of take-out coffee. "Oh," Mikey says in surprise.  
    "Hi."  
    "What do you want, Ray?"  
    "Can I... I brought some-" Mikey steps aside for Ray to enter. He does, looks around, sees the rapes and the stuffed envelopes on the floor. "What's this?"  
    "Nothing," Mikey lies.  
    "I know what it is.  
    "Then why ask me?"  
    "I don't know. I just... there are a lot of really confused people showing up at the office.  
    "They have a right to know. Brian is a thief. he steals the truth," Mikey argues.  
    "Mikey, people come to him voluntarily.  
    "I won't allow it. Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. What do you think of that? That's from my quote book.  
    "The office is filled with people who want their memories re-erased."  
    "Remember the Alamo! Remember the Alamo!" Mikey says hysterically.  
    "Mikey, please. This is hurting people."  
    There's a long pause before Mikey whispers, "I don't want to hurt people." Suddenly, he breaks down; "But these things happened! All these little sadnesses, the big ones. What if no one remembers? What does that do for the world? Someone has to remember, Ray."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was to show what happened in the aftermath of everything. And yes, I know it may be confusing and you may be thinking; "Haven't I read this part earlier in the story?" The answer is yes and there's a very good reason for that, if you have questions, leave a comment and I will respond! Frank and Gerard's relationship is now... "something new."   
> Please review! There's only one more chapter!


	20. Our Memories Defeat Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And our memories defeat us,  
> And I'll end this direst.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This Week's Chapter Is Based On The Song- "Early Sunsets Over Monroeville" by My Chemical Romance and "Two Of Us" by The Beatles

**(50 Years Later-Waiting Room-Day)**

               The room is modern and well-appointed. An older man enters, sits behind the reception desk, and drops his manuscript into a drawer. He takes some pills with water and looks up as a silver-haired man enters.

               "How are you today, Mikey?"

               "Let's see... Still dying, Brian," Mikey responds coldly.

               "You don't have to jump down my throat. I was trying to be nice."

               "Well, don't try. It's unbecoming of you," Mikey says.

               Brian mutters something and disappears into the back. Mikey pulls out a file from behind, removes a small disc, places it in a machine on his desk, slips on earphones, and listens, somewhat wearily, but attentively. The color drains from his face, but he continues to listen.

               A little while later, another older man enters the office. Mikey looks up, a bit startled, but tries his best to conceal it. He turns off the tape and puts on a fake smile. "May I help you?"

               "I'd like to make an appointment."

               "I think the doctor is free this morning. He can probably take you right away for an initial consultation," Mikey says, handing the man a clipboard. The greying man takes the clipboard, smiles gratefully, and sits down.

 

* * *

**(Schechter's Office-A Little White Later)**

               Old Brian is working at his desk when Mikey walks in with the older client. "Dr. Schechter, this is Frank Iero. He'd like to talk with you."

               Mikey and Brian eye each other for a moment before the doctor responds. "Hello, Mr. Iero. Nice to meet you. Please have a seat," he says, indicating a sitting area. Frank sits and Brian joins him. "Would you mind if I tape our discussion?"

               Frank shakes his head. Brian punches a couple of buttons on his computer console. A tape recorder starts up and his computer screen lights up so only he can see it. There's a whole file on Frank Iero: A list of fifteen dates of previous erasures stretching back fifty years, all of them involving Gerard Way. "So, why don't you being by telling me why you've come here," Schechter suggests.

               "Well, I met this man, Gerard, three years ago at a senior dance. We'd both been alone for so long and..."

 

* * *

**(Commuter Tube-Night)**

               Mikey travels in the commuter tube over Manhattan. It's late, the tube is mostly empty, and he sits with earphones in, listening to a recording.

_"I remember Gerard and I were having breakfast and I said something like 'we should go upstate and see the leaves change'..."_

* * *

**(Frank and Gerard's House)**

An older Frank and Gerard sit at a table, eating breakfast. Gerard looks up from his cereal and stares blankly. Frank smiles, but there's no response, just a dead stare.

 

* * *

**(Commuter Tube-Night)**

_"...He just stared at me as if I didn't exist. As if I had never existed..."_

               Mikey sits with the earphones in, his eyes glassy and unseeing. He's dead, old age finally claiming him. The recording drones on, being played for deaf ears.

 _"...His eyes used to be so filled with love. But it was gone. How can I go back to being alone after seeing love? I was alone for so long. What had I done with my life? I was alone so long_."

 

* * *

**(Frank's Apartment-Night)**

               Frank, wrinkled and worn down, is unconscious on his bed, hooked up to modern versions of the erasing machines. Two young technicians monitor the equipment. Frank's bedside phone rings. His machine picks up.

 _"Hi, it's Gerard. What's going on, Frankie? Why won't you call me back? Please call me. We need to talk,"_ Gerard's voice plays, soft and gravelly, quieted by age.

               The machine clicks off and one of the technicians reaches over and presses the "erase" button on the machine. He looks at his co-worker and nods as he begins to target blips of light on his monitor, erasing memory after memory of Frank and Gerard's life together.

**_You and I have memories longer than the road that stretches out ahead._ **

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was the final chapter, obviously. I know this is a confusing and complicated story, so if you have questions, leave a comment and I'll respond asap. I may even make a "Frequently Asked Questions" chapter if there's enough.  
> I have loved writing this and it's made me cry a lot, I hope people love it at least half as much as I did. Thanks for sticking with me and thank you for all of the support. It meant a lot when I was thinking of giving up.


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